Endless Tear - Season 1 - Episode 40

Episode 4 years ago

Endless Tear - Season 1 - Episode 40

********** ********** Pain was the only word I knew. Pain! That throbbing feeling that spreads through the body, soul and spirit until you can’t think about anything other than pain. I squirmed, screamed, pushed and pushed until my lower body felt like it was on fire. The word ‘Push’ was repeated over and over again until the word became permanently stamped in my head. I screamed in extreme pain and tears rolled down from my eyes as I gripped the sheets on the bed. I bit down on my lips to stop myself from screaming helplessly in pain but it was not enough to prevent my unconscious exclamations. Then, the pain subsided and vanished altogether. Complete silence reigned. Even the ticking of my heartbeat was silenced and I could hear nothing at all. It was a complete contrast to the noise and screams that reigned barely seconds ago.


Surprisingly, the silence was more scary than the noise. I wanted that noise again. It was like everyone had vanished from the earth and I was left all alone. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want to be left all by myself! But then, I remembered. I have always been alone! The people who wanted me did not belong to me, yet, the people I belonged to did not want me. What a dilemma.

How could a person want to return to that? How can I even want to return to that? But I am a fighter, I don’t give up. I have things to prove to myself and the people who rejected and abused me. That alone is a reason to live. ********** ********** I felt a hand brush shakily against my cheeks. The soft caress almost made me sigh but then, as I slipped back to a conscious state, I felt that overwhelming pain again. It was not as worse as I last remembered, but it was there nonetheless. I opened my eyes slowly and felt a form looming over me. I raised my eyes and caught Kelvin’s extremely worried look.


As our eyes held, relief washed over him but his worried look was still there. “Hey” he whispered with a soft smile. He bent over and kissed my forehead, lingering longer than he ought. He sat carefully at the edge of the bed and I noticed his heavy eyes which showed that he hadn’t slept for a while. My hand felt weak but I raised it to his face. “You shouldn’t be so worried about me” I croaked out weakly. He smiled and kissed the inside of my palm. “I can’t help myself honey” he said softly. “How are you feeling?” Truthfully, I wasn’t feeling anything but pain, but how could I tell him that when he was so worried about me. “I am fine” I said. His eyes flashed with something I could not recognize and he bent to kiss my cheeks. “I really want you to be fine sweetheart” he whispered. “Be fine for me” he scent enveloped my senses.


That scent that was always clinging to him.

I noticed something different about me, and then stiffened. “Kel, where is my baby?” I asked and he froze. “Fine. Your baby is fine” he answered hurriedly. I stiffened. “You are a poor liar Kelvin, where is my baby?” Fear gripped me as I saw Kelvin struggle. Raising my voice was causing incredible pains but I endured it. “Where is my son Kelvin? I know he is a boy. Where is he?” I cried, trying to sit up, to look around. “Calm down Ara. Please…” he forced me on my back. “Lie still Ara, please. You are not strong enough”. He pressed a bell closed to my bed, using one hand to keep me glued to the bed. I tried to relax. “I am calm now Kelvin, tell me where my child is. I need to see him” I begged. “You need to get better first, then I would take you honey, please” he begged. “Something is wrong, right? Something is wrong with him?” I asked with pale face. The doctor and two nurses entered then and Kelvin moved away. I was held down firmly by the nurses and I saw the doctor holding an injection. I turned my eyes to the nurses. “Please tell me where my baby is… my baby boy… please tell me…” “He is fine ma. Please calm down” one nurse said and then, I felt the piercing pain of the injection. My eyes became fuzzy and I blinked as my eye lids closed of their own volition. Before I passed into the state of unconsciousness, I caught Kelvin’s pained expression and got my answer. ********** ********** Kelvin held onto my hand tightly and I gazed up at him. “I told you I can walk on my own” I murmured. I was already discharged and free to go home but how can I feel happy about going home when I wasn’t carrying a child with me. Stillbirth!!! The word rang over and over and I steeled myself against crying. I have cried enough tears to last a lifetime. Tina and Tola had visited, trying to encourage me by making me see the positive side of the situation but I still felt shattered. Even though my child was a product of an abominable act, I still wanted him, because, at least, I would know that I have something or someone who was truly mine. I would know that I have my child to encourage me, but then, I have to face the harsh realities of knowing that I am always alone. Kelvin’s hand tightened and I smiled. At least, there is someone who would not leave me; or some people, I thought, thinking of Tola and Tina. Kelvin paused as he was about to open a door. I looked at him and he smiled down at me. He kissed my forehead and opened the door, and then I saw them.


All of them! Everyone that helped in destroying my life! I stood still and turned my eyes to Kelvin. “I prevented them from seeing you throughout your stay here honey, but I could not prevent this” he explained.

I sighed and faced them. I had no feelings left. I could not even feel anger, hatred or dismay; I just wanted this to be the last time I ever saw them or most of them at least. “Amara… My baby… Amara… How are you…? I am sorry……” different things were thrown hurriedly by everyone; I did not even bother to know who was asking what.

I just wanted to leave this place. But a few last words were in order. “Please listen to me” I said, raising my voice. “I am fine. You all do not have to worry falsely about me. It is too late to worry about what I might be feeling.” I said with a vague amused look. “I am happy that I am seeing you all now, because I might not see you anymore, and I would be extremely happy if I never see most of you again.” Silence fell over everyone and I turned to Alex. I raised my amused brows at him. “So you can really be worried about me now Corper? It is funny right? Men do things to women that they would not want to happen to their own sisters. When you were mocking me and dishonoring me behind my back, you never knew you were doing those things against your own sister. Well, I am sure you would be a lesson to all men.

Before you do things to women because you can, think of how you would feel if the same is done to your own sister.” I shook my head and turned to Mr. Sinja. The police officer who just happened to be my father. “Sir, I am sure you would forgive me if I can’t call you dad now” I said and he nodded vigorously. “Of course my dear…” he said. “I was right in thinking that you had seen so many things in your life. I don’t know half of your story and I am sorry if I would not have enough time to learn them. You look like a good man and I am pretty sure that you would have been a very good father if you had been given a chance.” I said.

I turned to the parents I have known all my life. “Papa, mama… I know that I have overemphasized my anger towards you and I am sorry. Even though I know that Papa never really loved me and accepted me, I still am eternally grateful to you. When I was rejected and tossed into the trash like a messed up diaper, you took me, welcomed me into your home and provided shelter for me. You took care of me for years and provided for me even though you had next to nothing.


I would remain grateful to you for as long as I live, and you would never stop being my parents” I hugged my dad briefly and hugged my mum who held me tightly. “I love you my baby… I love you so much… I am sorry.” she whispered in tears. I saw the senator and turned to him. “Sir” I bowed my head in respect. “I instantly developed respect for you the minute I saw you.


I have never seen a man as principled as you are. Even though I was not in a happy marriage, I saw you as the best father-in-law. You should hate me for what I stand for in your family but then; you are here, worried about me. I respect you sir. I really hope you find happiness because you deserve it more than anyone.” I really wanted to leave but there was one person left. I turned to Mrs. Bello. I just could not smile at her. She stood shakily, looking at me. “I hated you the instant I saw you” I began without preamble. “You were a terrible mother-in-law but as a mother, you were worse. If there is one person I never want to set my eyes on, it is you” “Pleeeaaaase… I am sorry…” she pleaded. “You are not my mother; I can never accept you as my mother. You rejected me then, now, I am rejecting you… You hated me, now; I hate you beyond measure…

You did not want me then, now I tell you, I do not and would not have any cause to need you in my life. You have caused so many people sadness” I shook my head. “You are not worthy to be called a mother.

Please don’t look for me. You won’t find me” I said and turned to face kelvin, who was standing with Tina and Tola now. “I need to leave now” Despite the protests of those in the room, I hastily walked out of the hospital with the only people who really mattered to me. Who says blood is thicker than water? ********** **********