Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

8 years ago

Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

Deola: Femi what’s wrong with us?

Me: How do you mean?

Deola: You’ve withdrawn your affection. It seems you’ve not forgiven me my wrong. I thought you’ve forgotten about it.

Me: It’s not like that dear. It’s my work. I am always a busy man. I only had time for you then because I was on sick leave. But don’t worry; I will make it up to you.

Deola: That’s what you’ve been saying for the past two weeks. Femi something is wrong.

Me: Nothing is wrong Deola. It’s just a matter of time, the dust will soon settle.

Deola: I wanna believe you Femi but I really don’t.

Me: Don’t worry love, we’ll meet soon.

For almost a month, that was how I avoided Deola. I just can’t figure out why I behaved like that. Maybe because of how she behaved when she heard about Ini or because I figured my safety is at risk with Deola; or perhaps my sister’s words were still ringing in my head and influencing my thoughts about women. The only salient reason I finally gathered was that I got tired of the game. I wanna get my head straight and stop all those sh*t. life is too precious for that kind of life. Women are not object of s*x now, they are humans like me. I imagined my younger sister with a guy like me. Will I be happy with such a guy? Why do to others what you cannot endure? I quit. I wanna live a clean life, straight, honest and honourable. The death of Ini really made me do some soul searching. Oftentimes, one event can change the life of a man. A smoker today may quit smoking if he by chance he witnessed how dangerous nicotine is to the heart. I just have to change, no matter what. I am sorry whoever is gonna be the victim of my decision. It was a shame that Deola is the culprit because, truth be told, I made her cry…and suffer; not intentionally though, but by my actions, refusal and inactions.

When she could no longer stand my absenteeism, and when she became desperate about finding answers to whatever is going on with ‘us’, she came looking for me at the office. When I heard that someone called Deola is waiting for me at the reception, I quietly sneaked out of office. She called and called and called but I did not answer her call. My spirit just couldn’t flow with hers anymore. Maybe I was yet to come to terms with the fact that Ini is dead. I just couldn’t imagine a life without her.

Unfortunately for me, I was at home one weekend, washing. She called me to ask if I was at home. She had earlier sent me a text that she will be going to Ikeja for a wedding. So, I answered her with confidence,

Deola: Good morning Femi.

Me: Morning Deola. How are you?

Deola: I am fine. You?

Me: I am ok too. Are you at the wedding now?

Deola: Yes. What about you? Are you at home?

Me: Yes. I am trying to do some laundry.

Deola: Ok. Have a nice day.

Me: Yea, you too.

Few minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. “What is this Garfar looking for now?” I asked myself. With annoyance, I opened the door.

“What is it this early morning Garfar? Why can’t….” Noooooo. It’s Deola!

Me: Jesus!

Deola: what is my offence Femi? Why are you avoiding me?

Me: I…. I….I….I….

Deola: There is no excuse. You just don’t wanna see me, simple. I have been at your door over 10mins ago. I called to confirm if you’re actually inside. What is my offence?

Me: Come inside.

This is one awkward moment of my life I hate to talk about. I mean, I have just been outsmarted again. Now there is no excuse. The rivers have met, let’s know who is who!

Face to face,
Word looking for its complements;
Love or hate,
Let’s start the argument.

Empty lies flying around,
Deceptions cornered by truth;
Hit the gong: let it sound,
Deola is here, but I call her Ruth.

Fixated on me like a honey,
She wants no fame or money;
How far are we with our journey?
I’ve been acting too phony!

This is a showdown!
Smile, shout or frown;
Today the truth must be born,
Either by flute, piano or horn!

Deola: Talk to me Femi. I am listening.

I kept quiet for like 2mins without saying a word. Sweat started rolling down from my head. Mysterious heat covered my entire body even while the fan was on. What will I tell her? Should I just open up and stop pretending. After all, she’s not gonna kill me. I made sure I stood at the door of my kitchen lest she gain access to another knife. Today na only words we wan yarn.

Deola: Femi, you’ve not said anything over 3mins now. Kilode? (What happened?).

Me: Hmmm. I don’t know how to say this.

Deola: Just spit it out. I really wanna hear you talk to me; enough of these mind game please.

Me: Ok. Deola, we may have to stop this relationship. I want out.

Deola: (With a shaky voice) Wh..y?

Me: I can’t really figure it out. I just think I want a break from any relationship.

Deola: this is not the Femi I know. Please don’t break my heart Femi. Please!

Me: There is a new voice in me asking me to stop. I loved you Deola but I can’t continue with this relationship.

She broke down in tears, held my trousers and begged me. I helped her up and held her tightly. I wanted to cry too but, as a man, I refrained. I had to be the man here; no room for weakness.

Me: This is one decision I struggled to come to. I do not wish to make you sad. I need a new chapter in my life, a breather, a space, a new life. I wanna clear my head.

Deola: You can do all these Femi. I subscribe to it. Don’t just leave me please. Take all the time you want. I won’t disturb you. What I only want is our continued relationship. Please Femi, I have so much to lose.

Me: I have so many things to clear too Deola.

Deola: I don’t know what might happen to me Femi.

Me: Please I beg you in God’s holy name, don’t try anything silly. Life is larger than a small guy like me.

Deola: I see my future husband in you. You’re the man for me. I have given you my whole heart. I can’t see myself with another man, save you. Please Femi, don’t do this to me.

I almost changed my mind. Her emotional display moved me. Deola is a sweet, sweet woman…but not as sweet as Ini (RIP). The only clause in Deola is her outrage. Experience has taught me that such an outrageous display from a woman in in-born. The scenario can repeat itself at any little provocation. Yes she has apologized and promised never to repeat such, but inside of me, I can’t trust such a woman. Before you crucify me, I know there are women who can do even worse. Some can go the extent of poisoning their husband or mutilate them. Ears have heard many ugly stories about desperate women who couldn’t control their emotional outburst. So, in all fairness, I can’t risk my life. Above all, my sister’s words restored me to my default settings, who I used to be before I craved independence from her.

Away! Away! The boy in me cried,
Freedom is sweeter than honey;
Set me on the pedestal of life,
What I have surely is mine.

“I am no longer a baby!”
I accessed my opportunities;
This is the time to fend for myself,
Into the forays of life’s ocean I delved.

I am the king of my life,
The ruler of my thoughts;
The manager of my kingdom,
The judge of my own court.

s£duce me not with words unknown,
Flatter me not with sweet oration;
Lest I go haywire and AWOL,
This is my time, my season.

I saw the big picture!
A life of hope and satisfaction;
Therefore at this juncture,
I want no distractions.

Take my hand let’s roll,
It is time, let’s go;
The bell of freedom rings,
Femi is on his way, let the birds sing!

The clock is ticking,
Arise! Obey the call.
Swing low sweet chariot,
I am at ease, not in riot.

I want it all, no question,
This is my confession;
Oh how I wish I can read the future,
Oh mortal souls: to them, there is no clearer picture!