Diary Of A Stingy S

6 years ago

Diary Of A Stingy S

“hello”
“what is the name of the hospital ?
The call hung up again.

I got so tensed and couldnt get myself right again.

I called the number severally and it wasnt reacheable still. Neyo decided to drive me home at around some mjnutes by 5am.

I got home and what i met was so surprising.
I got to my door and discovered the door was locked from inside.

Who came into my room without my knowledge?

What nonsense is this now?

I kept thinking many things but the major thought in my mind was the issue of Bunmi in hospital. So i was just too eager to know who invaded my privacy.

I knocked and no one was answering.. What nonsense now! I got so angry and bang the door with the anger.

I heard some movement inside the room and finally the door opened.

Immediately the lock clicked, a thought clicked in my mind. ‘could it have been Success who have came back to ‘deal with me’?

Hain, but she took my necklace now.

I flinged the door open without entring and i still cant find anyone, that person is hiding behind the door.

“who’s that” i asked but no response.

I went in without hesitation and everywhere went black.

Who’s that? I asked again, but rather getting a response what i got was a kiss.

No need to ask who it was again, that is Bisi and i know the shape of her
mouth and the style of her kiss.

How can i ever forget Benedicta….. Ha! If they award PH.d for speaking English Language, that girl shouldn’t be an undergraduate still. Some people can speak grammer, big big ones ooo and yet they don’t even have REMMARG in their head… Sorry, i just spelt ‘grammer’ from the back.

Benedicta is a young lady, very articulate…. I hardly hear her grammers over the phone sef, but that girl really dealt with me ooo, she made this network providers chop my money well well. I will always say ‘ehn, ehn’ whenever we are talking over the phone. That girl is a winch, she won’t speak clearly lailai… Speak Yoruba, she cant speak. Speak igbo, for where?
Well i don’t blame her, that is what happen when you dont teach your children your language. Seriously, i see a damp……. For those that cant speak any Nigerian language ooo.

Well, i reserve my comment.
‘Which one be this again now,
Hon KAZZY friends Assiciation’. I said to myself immediately i saw an alert on my phone.

Kazeem was my school son… Oh not school son, i should rather say my school younger brother. I was a year senior to him but im not so older than him to call him my ‘son’… Yet i can say this boldly, i thought Kazzy the rudiment of ‘school politics’. That guy is a fantastic guy. We had met at F.C.E osiele,
before he moved on to Uni Ibadan.

Kazzy has added me to his whatsapp group. He told me about his ambition to vie for his faculty’s student union President. ‘ fantastic idea ‘ i told him… After some consultation, i realised he is a strong candidate.

I wasnt the one who gave him the idea to create a whatsapp group, but i enjoyed it, beacause i flirted with it.

I was already through with my degree programme and i had gotten a job already.
One day i decided to check who the participants of the group are. As i was going on and checking gender through their dp’s, i came accross this lady.. Benedicta. Well, talk of beauty, she’s not found wanton. ‘As a sharp guy wey no dey carry last’ , i decided to hook her up. I realised my intentions will be countered on arrival if i decide to say hi to her or write any nonsese epistle…. And then the ‘devil’ dropped an idea. I sent a comma (,) to her. I already sent the first ‘ Apollo ‘ signal and im waiting for Neil Armstrong to bounce on the moon. Well, i wasn’t allowed to wait for long, i saw a message from her. A full stop (.). I cant stop laughing as i saw this, i immediately sent her ‘lol’ back.

We started talking and before i knew it, i became a friend with her. I will call every evening, sometimes via calls and mostly whatsapp. It took a long time before she could send her picture to me, i cant imagine she never wanted to share her pics, maybe i should have realised her craziness with such act.

Beny and i had already thinking of meeting, that was like 3months after we met on whatsapp.

” i cant visit a guy in his house first.”
” i cant ask a guy for money, isn’t that why my parents are working? ” Those are her words. I was so happy with the last one about why she won’t ask a guy for money, ‘at least, i can pinch my tent here’ i said to myself.

Day after days and week after weeks. Finally i will meet Beny.

She called me a day before her arrival at lagos that she’ll be coming home soon. Good news, i agree.

She came and yet we aint meeting still, she is always saying she cant leave home and her parents are around. Ha, for God sake, how many minutes is Magodo to Ikeja. I lived at Alausa. Very close!

I had already forgotten about her, before Bisi came visiting, she is an old GF… We met during my N.C.E days and we’ve been together irrespective how mamy times we fight. Don’t worry you will know her full gist later.

Bisi was around and servicing my piston. Well i wasnt selfish, i was also servicing and greasing her engine too.

It was around 8am in the morning, just the second dat Bisi came. I recieved a call from Beny…..
“i will be coming towards Ogba today, how far is it to your place” she said softly over the phone.

Imagine, Ogba here…. Ogba that you can trek to from my house ( although, depending on your anger velocity ).

” Ogba is near, its just 100naira to my place ”. I answered. We chitchatted a liltle and i hung up. Yes!,
finally, we are meeting…

Yeepa! Bad market…. Bisi is around. Chai…..
`Why is God punishing me` i said to myself.
Immediately, my countenance have changed… I couldnt concentrate on anything again and i was visibly angry.

Let me digress before i continue. ‘Sebi’ the bible said any part of the body that will make us lose heaven, we should cut them away? My brother, please look inward within yourself and see which one of these two is worth cutting away ( because im sure it must be one of the two ), T
YOUR EYES OR YOUR GBOLLA ?

Anyway…. Leave the answer to yourself, for me it should be my J0yst!ck.

Bisi realised i am not too happy any longer and she was furios too.

“what happen to you” she asked
” how do you mean ” i replied.

She just starred at me for a long time and hissed, facing what she was doing.

I had knew Bisi for a very long time and im sure she know what was going on. Even if she
doesnt…. She had the idea of
what i was up to.

All i had on me that day was only 3000 naira, i know my way now. All i had in my mind was how i can best put myself in a very good spotlight.

Main reason why i wont take a lady to a resturant, and if i have to, Its definitely a mama put!

A popular adage says…. ” a head that is destined to take a knock, will definitely get the knock at head. Even when he/she hid in a ‘Moluee’ or ‘BRT BUS’ he’ll bring his head out for a passerby to knock.
That exactly was my case!

I got Beny’s call at about 2pm.

“im coming now, send your home address” and she hung up.
Wha d’ fuk!….

After she hung up, i checkes my phone and she has already dropped a message on my wharsapp, it was thesame as what she just told me on phone. I realised she had already sent the message 30 minutes ago. Definitely she should be near. I presume.

I replied her message with…

” i think we should meet at a neutral location first before visiting. You are even yet to know me in person” . Me myself…. Sharp guy, i hailed myself. She is online already and got my message instantly.

” okay where, since you dont want me to know your house”
Ha, see my life outside. I recieved a killer pass and im alrrady on offside!

See free toto, yet i cant bring her to my house. I cursed the day i allowed Bisi to visit.

I recieved her call some minutes later, she said she’s already at Ikeja city mall waiting.

” im will be unside kfc waiting, the sun is too much here.”

which kain devil be this one, me wey wan carry you go ‘ eeyi lobe Hotels and suites’
” oh good, i will meet you at kfc then”
dropped the call, who know what came on me, i strated sweating profusely… Was it because i ran so as not