Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

My people have a saying that when trouble comes knocking on your door and you tell him that there is no stool, he will tell you he brought his own stool. Amaka is my harbinger of doom,she always comes visiting with one problem or the other. I was already making progress with stephanie, the miss fresher before this ‘bastard daughter of a thousand fathers’ showed her face.

“Kelvin, i’v been looking for you” Amaka informed me.

Sometimes, i just wish eyes could kill. My big eyes would have shot her from close range.

“Any problem?” i asked harshly.

“so someone cant look for you if there is no problem?” she asked dragging me away like a mother who caught her son in an illegal act. My eyes were on stephanie while she kept dragging me.

“what are you doing?” i asked her.

“what does it look like?” she asked.


“like you just smoked” i replied.

“then call soldier for me na” she mocked.

I stopped and looked at her in an annoying manner. I made a promise never to lay my hands on a woman but in times like this, promise could be broken.

What na? Cant someone play with you? Come joor”[/B] Amaka continued dragging me.

I was boiling but when someone has a leverage against you, you automatically become their toy.
“What if cynthia sees us?” i whispered to her
“when you were talking to her, you didn’t think of that one.”

“Talking to who?” i asked, faking ignorance.

“That silly girl na” she replied.

“I sense jealousy” i said while laughing a laugh that ended at my neck.

I noticed i started developing A kind of bond with Amaka. But despite the bond, i still coudn’t find a way to love her, not after all she made me go through.

I feel love should be a mutual thing, it shouldn’t be forced on someone.


“Where are this girls na?” Amaka asked a rhetorical question.

“Which girls?” i asked her.

“When we see them, you will know” she replied.

“are you ‘man wey dey reason?” i asked.

Pardon? She strained her ears to hear what i said.

“Nothing” i replied her.

We were just moving in a circle in search of her friends. I was seeing some familiar faces but i just couldn’t figure where i had seen the faces. I just knew they were dangerous faces.
We finally saw her friends and she introduced me to them as her ‘boyfriend’.

Boyfriend means different things to different people so i just smiled and shook their hands.

My world stood for a minute when i saw this princess walk into the venue. Cynthia my princess was dressed in a red gown that ended just below her thighs and a red high heeled shoe to match. I quickly excused myself and went straight to her.

“Goodevening princess” i said while hugging her. She held me very tight. I did a mental census to know whether my ribs were still complete.

“You are looking good” i complemented her.

“thanks, you are not looking bad yourself” she replied.

A looked at myself. A bathroom slipper on my feet, a faded jeans and an old polo adorned my body. I just came to calm myself from a dream, i wasnt prepared for a party.

“Lets go and see the celebrant” cynthia ordered me.

Looking For philip in a place filled with girls is like looking for your sugar crystals inside sand.

We went inside philip’s room but he wasn’t there. Musa was sleeping like a log of wood. The music was playing very loud so even if we decide to call him, he might not hear the phone ring.

We kept on searching but we didn’t see him.

Cynthia went to join Amaka and her friends while i located stephanie.

“Why are you just standing na, or are your legs not hurting you” i said to her.

She was actually gisting with a guy but i no send am.

“lets dance joor” i said while dragging her to the dance floor. Where i managed to get the courage was still a suprise to me.

She was twisting her waist while i was dancing my village cultural dance.

Stephanie was a very good dancer, i could break my waist trying to match her tempo. The party was really meeting up to my expectations.

Cynthia was so engrossed in her gist that she didn’t even notice me.

I was feeling myself when someone grabbed me like a police officer. It was Amaka. She dragged me to a very dark corner and started kissing me.
Chai!!! Naso my dream take the come to pass? I asked myself.

“Amaka wait! Amaka wait! For where? The girl was just forming bad girl with me.

She was going down to my neck when i pushed her.

“whats wrong with you na?” i shouted.

“Why are you doing this na?” i asked.
“Stop acting as if you are a saint joor” Amaka rebuked me.

My develish mind started speaking to me.
“just do it once joor, afterall Cynthia wont know”.

“Dont do it o, she will use it against you o” another voice spoke.

I was still thinking when she resumed her kissing.
Dis girl no go kill person sha.

I started cooperating. I allowed myself to participate in the kissing exercise. All of a sudden i started hearing a voice.

“leave me, i said leave me”.

it was cynthia’s voice. A guy was dragging her to where we were. Just before they left the bright area, i caught a glimpse of the guy’s face. He was one of the dangerous faces i was seeing around, i now remembered the face vividly. He was the capon that stopped our car on that mr.fresher’s night.


My dad taught me that it is the job of a man to protect his wife. Cynthia wasn’t my wife but atleast she was worth protecting. How i wish it was Amaka in her shoes, i would have even lend a helping hand to the guy.


Amaka hid behind my back and was also watching as Cynthia and the capon were progressing towards us.


What if the capon had seen me and Amaka and he wanted to show Cynthia? But how would he know that i was dating Cynthia? Numerous questions flooded my mind, But the million dollar question was “what if Cynthia sees me and Amaka alone in this dark corner? With every single step they took towards us, my heart beat increased.

[B] “What is he doing” Amaka asked in a loud tone.

“Shhhh! Shut up! Whats wrong with you na?” i replied her.

I was trying to remain hidden but it looks like Amaka was just trying to expose us.

The capon stopped some few inches away from where we stood.

“I am giving you a chance to be my girlfriend, you will be the most protected girl on campus. It is every girl’s dream in campus to be my girlfriend and i am giving you that opportunity on a platter of gold”. He kept trying to be nice. Capon was not tall, he was not short, he wasn’t average. His height was insoncrumbulous(abeg if you get time check this word for dictionary, make you let me know the meaning cos me sef no know am).

After everything the capon said, cynthia spat on the ground in a manner that showed she was disgusted.

“Do you know who i am?” how many people of my calibre would stoop So low as to beg a comon jew for a relationship?” skipo asked.

“I get anything i want and not even you can be an exception” he said stressing the you.

“just let me go, you are hurting me” cynthia said trying to free herself from skipo’s grip.

Skipo gave a wicked laugh that irritated me. I was fast loosing my temper but i had to act wisely if i valued my life.

“Kelvin lets go jare” Amaka dragged me and wanted to move when i dragged her back, her leg hit an empty can in the process and it made a loud noise. Empty cans make the loudest noise they say, skipo was making noise, i just hope he is as empty as the cliche postulated.

“What made that noise?” skipo asked progressing towards our location. My heart melted.

“I don die” escaped my lips.

They were about reaching our position when cynthia released herself from his grip and started running back to where people were gathered. The skipo left us and started following her. She was about reaching her destination when her high heeled shoe lost balance and she fell on the ground.

“I told you no one runs from me” skipo said when he caught up with her.

“What made you think you will be safe in the crowd” he asked.

“I own this school, and no one can save you from me” he continued..

I was fed up with this drama, i had to act. I quickly wrote a text and sent it to philip.

“guy wahala dey, meet me for that spot wey una kill that green snake last week ASAP” that was the content of the text. UAM is a jungle filled with many reptiles, you Can use these reptiles as a reference point for direction in future occurences. What am i even saying? You understand am shey? If you dont understand please dont blame me o, i attended a night school.


I mustered all the courage left in my sleeves and walked out of my hiding spot. Amaka wanted to follow me but i stopped her and gave her a stern warning never to come out no matter what she sees or hear.


I walked to where they were standing and cleared my throat.


They were both shocked as they didn’t know anybody had been hiding there.

“Who are you?” skipo asked.

How would he remember me when all he did that day was to slap us?

“I’m the guy whose girlfriend you are trying to molest” i replied him. My hands where in my pocket, i was forming hard man.

“Kelvin what were you doing there?” cynthia asked. She was moving to where i came out from when skipo grabbed her.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, we can find out later, lets just get down to business” he said.

“Business? I dont have any business with you” cynthia replied him.

“Our business is simple, mr hard man is going to promise never to have anything to do with you, there would be a distance of atleast 100metres between both of you. You are also going to do the same” he explained.

“ladies first” he said turning towards Cynthia.

“You better leave her” i said facing him. A slap reminded me that i was talking to the capo of a cult group.

I starggered backwards, i was about giving him my own slap but my liver failed me. I missed igbo.

“Are you mad?” skipo moved closer to me. He sent a headbutt that landed on my nose. Blood started gushing out of my nose.

“please leave him” cynthia pleaded.

He ignored cynthia’s plea and moved close to me, held me by my neck and started sniffing life out of me.

“whats happening here?” philip shouted from one corner.

The fool came alone......