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Added: Nov 19, 2018
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Oh Brother - Season 1 - Episode 46
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Source: coolval22

It was worth it, I reminded myself for the millionth time. All of this to be with Christian was worth it. I suddenly frowned, knowing I didn’t wholeheartedly believe what I thinking.

A part of me hated what Stephen brought up, but with the chance of returning home I couldn’t help but spend my days thinking about everything. I loved Christian – there was no doubt about that. But like Stephen asked, was it worth it? Being here alone was the cost, and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was worth it.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my long hair. Now that school had ended, I was lonelier. Without a car, I couldn’t see my friends. I couldn’t see anyone really, which left me all alone at home. I’d often debate on whether boredom or loneliness would kill me first.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I huffed tiredly and got up from the couch I was sprawled on. Hoping it wasn’t Stephen looking for an answer, I made my way to the door and opened it.

To my shock, it was Christian. My jaw dropped and my heart froze, completely surprised that he was here. Here when my heart was so conflicted. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been happy or horrified by his sudden appearance.

“Autumn.” He stepped into the motel room and hugged me, snuggling his face into my hair.

The door shut as he pushed me back, still holding onto me, towards the couch. My heart was now racing as I hugged him back, realizing how much I missed him. I knew I loved him at that.

We landed on the couch as he fell forward. Smiling from on top of me, he kissed me and I kissed him back immediately. Grabbing onto his shirt to bring him closer to me, I kissed him as if I had deprived of him – which I had been.

Christian smiled against my lips and I knew I didn’t want to lose this. As he grabbed my hips, I knew he was all I needed. But the question was still in my mind. Was it worth it? Was just him and nobody else worth it? Suddenly, I pulled back as questions formed in my mind.

“How did you come here?” I asked. “I thought my mom would be watching you like a hawk.”

“I have my ways.” Christian winked, grinning. “We have all of today to ourselves.”

Christian began leaning forward again, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him. There were important questions I had to ask him. To know if it was worth it, I had to see his views too.

“Can we talk?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, frowning in confusion.
Christian sat up and I moved away from him, so that I was now sitting next to him. Clasping my hands together, I found my heart racing with nerves. I really wanted the answer to Stephen’s question to be yes, but there was really no way to tell.

“Why do you think we fell for each other?” I suddenly asked, looking at his blue eyes.
He frowned. “Why are you asking?”
I looked down, knowing I couldn’t tell him about Stephen’s visit. Christian would be mad, I was sure. And even if he had every right to be mad, I was looking for answers to questions that would make everything make sense. Not just for Stephen’s question, but for the fact that life had changed solely because we loved each other.

“Don’t you ever wonder?” I replied, looking back at him. “We could have fell for anyone, but we fell for each other. Knowing it would be difficult to be together, we still chose each other.”

Curiosity shone in Christian’s eyes. I was glad to see it because I was also curious.

Falling for him had been one of the most beautiful and horrible things in my life. There were so many fish in the sea, but I still chose this destructive path that made me so happy. I didn’t understand why.

“That’s a good question.” Christian suddenly smiled as his eyes wandered around the room. “But I guess because we can relate to each other.”
“How so?” I asked, curious.
“Well, we both only have one parent left,” he replied. “Both of our lives were changed drastically. We can understand each other’s pain, and pain can bring people together in the strangest way.”

I frowned. I never thought about it, but that was true. Christian and I could relate in many ways, and now that I thought about it, that was how we originally bonded in a sense.

But the thing was, I didn’t understand how that made us fall for each other. Friends, yes. But lovers, not really.

“But why would we fall for each other because we can relate to each other?” I asked, frowning. “I bet there’s a lot of people like us. There has to be a reason.”

“I don’t know, we’re messed up people.” He suddenly broke out into a smile. “You know, I used to wonder if I was so messed up that I fell for my sister.”

My eyes widened as I felt like I got slapped. Staring at him, I had this horrifying realization that he also thought our relationship was disgusting. That he was so mentally disturbed that he had fallen for his sister. It hurt. Hurt so much that I transformed that feeling into anger as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Excuse me?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“That was a while back.” His smile fell, seeing my reaction. “It was before I realized you weren’t my sister.”

I didn’t care if it had been a while back.

The fact that he thought his feelings for me was some sort of mental illness hurt. I once thought we would be disturbing because of incest, but never have I thought my feelings for him were sick. Wrong, maybe. But I didn’t think I was corrupted enough to fall for my brother.

“Wow.” I laughed bitterly. “You thought you were so messed up that you fell for your sister. I’m glad to see that, that’s why you fell for me.”

“Autumn… What I said was meant to be a joke,” Christian said cautiously, seeing my anger. “The past is the past.”

“But it matters!” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe you. You fell for me because we were both in pain. You thought you were so corrupted that you liked me. Do you understand how wrong that sounds?”

Christian’s eyes widened and I didn’t care if we were fighting after so long. My heart hurt and I was angry. Angry at the harsh truth I wish he never brought up. I loved him, but his reasons for us falling for each other were horrible.

“I didn’t fall for you because we can relate through pain,” Christian said defensively. “Sure, it helped us connect, but I don’t like you for that. Gosh Autumn. Why are you overreacting?”

My jaw dropped at his accusation. My life had fallen apart because of him, which gave me every right to freak out over this. It was his fault I was living here. All his fault I was all alone.

“I’m not!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up into the air. “After everything I’ve been through, I just can’t believe your feelings are based on such stupid things. It makes me feel like our relationship isn’t worth it.”

I froze as the truth came out. The very answer I didn’t want had fallen out of my mouth.

My eyes widened, and so did Christian’s. Both of us seemed to know that this was not a good sign.

“You don’t think our relationship is worth it?” Christian asked slowly, still in shock.
“No… I mean… I don’t know.” I sighed tiredly. “Christian, what’s wrong with us?”
“I don’t know.” Christian also sighed. “I’d love to say nothing, but clearly it isn’t.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” I laughed bitterly. “Maybe we’re both so messed up that we fell for each other even though we’re siblings.”


“Maybe you should leave,” I quickly said, looking away from him.
“Autumn, I-”
“It’s for the best.” I hugged myself, suddenly feeling both exhausted and emotional. “I want to be alone.”

To a bit of my shock, Christian stood up. I heard him walk away and my heart thumped painfully as he walked away from me. Yes, I wanted this. But I never thought he would have given up so easily.

To my surprise, I heard him say, “I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to make you happy. That was all I ever wanted from the moment I saw you.”

I looked to where he stood in front of the door. He looked sad in a way I hadn’t seen before. Crush might’ve been the way to describe it. It was almost heartbreaking seeing him that way, but with everything that happened I needed to be alone. Just to clear my mind, I needed him away from me.
“I know,” I said honestly. “But when we’re together everyone else decides to hurt us.”

I smiled sadly and he nodded, opening the door. Before I knew it he was gone, and I was left alone to hug myself. I felt like I was breaking, but only because the one thing I had been so sure of seemed like a lie. Christian had always made me feel secure, but what he said left me wondering if he was right. We were just so corrupted by our pasts that we sought comfort in each other. Seeing how bad life was now, it was a horrifying possibility I hoped wasn’t true.
I grabbed the doorknob of the front door and closed my eyes. Repeatedly, I reminded myself of what happened yesterday. Of how crushed I had been from what Christian said. With everything that had happened since we got together, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this anymore. Even though I loved him, Stephen was right. So much had happened, even though I was alright before.

My grip tightened on the doorknob and I took a deep breath in. Even when I knew that I could get my old life back by breaking things off with Christian, I didn’t want to. What I felt for him was something I never felt for anyone. Something I felt like I would never get again. Christian was one of a kind, I knew.
I groaned and laughed bitterly. Everything Christian related was so complicated. It had always been that way, and would always continue to be that way. Life seemed to want me to be both happier than I ever been and more stressed than ever. It was so messed up, but that made me realize that maybe I should try to let him go. My life had never been perfect, but this entire situation was too much for a kid like me.

Smiling sadly, I opened the door. But, at that very moment the phone for my home rang. Frowning, I quickly shut the door and walked back in. No one called the motel phone, so I was curious.

I walked over to the phone that sat next to the couch and picked it up, seeing that the phone number was unrecognizable. With a frown of my face, I waited to hear a familiar voice.

“Hello?” An unrecognizable voice said.
“Hello?” I responded. “Who is this?”
“Is this Autumn?” The person asked, ignoring my question.

“Yes…” My heartbeat sped up, wondering who this person was.

“Hi, sweetheart.” The person’s voice softened, sounding sympathetic all of the sudden. “I’m a nurse and… I’m so sorry.”

My heart dropped. “Why… What happened?”
“Your father, Stephen. He passed away a few minutes ago. I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

My heart froze. My entire body froze along with every system in it as well. I couldn’t breathe or think. This was impossible I told myself. Stephen and I talked a few days ago.
He was okay. He was alive.

“Are you sure you have the right number?” I asked nervously, hearing her mumble apologies. “My stepfather and I spoke a few days ago. He’s a healthy man… There’s no way.”

“He had a sudden heart attack. It happened fast and the doctors weren’t able to save him. I’m sorry.”

My breathing became uneven. That was when I realized this was actually happening. Somehow, Stephen had passed away.

Stephen, who had been a good guy, had died suddenly and out of nowhere. My throat constricted at the thought, wondering how in the world this happened.

That was when I remembered Christian. Before I could allow tears to reach my eyes, I realized with horror that Christian had just lost his father. I gasped as my heart ached. I needed to see him.

“Is Christian, Stephen’s son, at the hospital?” I asked the nurse.

“Yes, so is your mother,” she replied.

Ignoring the second part, I asked, “What hospital?”
“Sentential. Are you coming?”
“Yes. Thank you for calling.”

Before she could reply, I hung up the phone. With a dagger twisting at my heart, I ran to the front door. The next thing I knew I was running to catch a bus, wanting to see Christian as soon as possible. A part of me hoped that this was some sick dream, but I knew better. Life could be cruel.


“Where is Stephen Woods room located?” I asked the nurse at the front desk.

“Second floor,” she replied. “Room B12. I’m sorry about-”
I ran off before she could finish. I hated when people apologized for things that were out of their hands. It was useless and it didn’t make the person feel better. Well, that was how I felt.

With every step I took, my heart pounded against my chest painfully. Christian was all I could think about as I walked up the stairs and down a hallway. He had lost so much, so this was unbelievable. It was just so cruel of the world to do to him. Sweet, innocent him. I was so angry that I found it hard to be sad, which was helpful because I didn’t want to cry. Not when I needed to support Christian.

I saw the sign that said room B12 and rushed over to it. Entering it, I was surprised to see a waiting room that consisted of two people. The very person I wanted to see, and the very last person I wanted to see.

Without thinking, I ran to the boy who had his head hung low. I ran past my mom who had tears streaming down her face, and embraced Christian who stiffened at the touch. He then hugged me back and I heard a sob escape him, breaking my heart. He didn’t deserve this. That was all I could think about as I hugged him.

Christian’s body rocked with tears as he cried into my shoulder. I rubbed his back, wondering why this world was so horrible. Why everything had to be taken from us.

Why was happiness so hard to achieve?
“F--k this world,” I mumbled, finally allowing myself to tear up. “It’s cruel.”
“F--k it,” Christian choke out in agreement.
My sight got blurry as more tears filled my eyes. Stephen . We may never have been close, but I knew he didn’t deserve this. No one deserved to die, but Stephen especially should never have died. He was so young. So alive with dreams of his family being strong. It was unbelievable.

As Christian continued to cry against my shoulder, I felt a tear run down my face. All of my sadness I tried to withhold finally released, and I was okay with it. Being with Christian in this situation suddenly made me realize something.

I was such an idiot. I was just about to give up on him, even though he meant the world to me. Sure, things were complicated. And sure, my life was a mess. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t the one person that meant the absolute world to me. The one person who actually made me feel like I mattered. I definitely needed to appreciate him for as long as he remained reachable. That was what I realized as tears streamed down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out as I became Niagara Falls with my tears. “For everything. You’re worth it. This relationship is worth it, and Stephen deserves to be here with us.”
Christian held onto me tighter, which made me smile despite my tears. It seemed to me like we realized something today. People in your life can disappear at any moment. It was for the best to hold onto them, knowing you could have your last moment with them at any second.

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