Biggy: you no well oh, na HIV you dey use for rough play. You don finish your brain subscription hissing
Me: no vex, aboy!! Dandy wait na calling out Both of us ran out of the hospital through the gate as Dandy stopped his bike outside the hospital compound.
Me: we wan go house, carry us go na.
Biggy: Dandy, this your bike old pass my grand mother wey dey 93years oh for village.
Dandy: hope say ona hold money, ’cause na motorcycle be this no be West Africa charter and no be charity transport i dey run.
Me: no vex na, you know say we be your nigga. Dandy!! Dandy!!! We quickly entered the bike He had no choice but to start his motorcycle, some minutes later he dropped us in our yard.
Dandy: wey my money?
Me: which money, carry yourself and your moving corpse commot from here.
Biggy: the thing still dey scratch me, aaaahhh… Dandy laughing
Dandy: you don go carry sweety, the next one na you Vic. Ashawo them he started his bike and left us
Me: make we enter house so that you go rub am abolikirub, em go stop he looked at me like a dragon that had just swallow snake
Biggy: now today I know say, you wan kill somebody before the year end.
We went to Mallam that has a kiosk just at the junction of our street, he sells all sort of medicine. But known for selling one medicine ‘remain standing’, the drug made him famous amongst the guys in the area.
Me: Abu, how market na? He eyed both of us
Abu: hope I no come for credit ko raising his hands up
Biggy: see money he gave him a whole 2h, I ogled the naira note
Abu: kaskel, what I wan buy? Smiling, the tribal marks on his face that looks like makeup became obvious
Biggy: my thing dey scratch me, I get infection.
Abu: yowa! I get am for the medicine, but the money nodo for krokroshebaga. Raising a short container up
Me: Abu, why you dey do like this na? You know say I be your man?Abu: man kosi! I nodey do am man for business bah. Bring money, me I go sell am for you free free kill you there
Me: I no go bring Adanne come your shop again, I go even enter their house tell her mother say, you dey press the girl.
Abu: ahh! Ahh!! Aaahhh!!! Take am for the medicine.
He gave us the short containerMe: Abu! Abu!! Abu!!! Adanne husband Abu smiling like Ujadala Python While we were strolling home, a car nearly hit both of us. If we were not smart to jump out of the way.
Me: make thunder fire the left tire, make you run enter transformer.
Biggy: all these yahoo boys dey behave like the kingdom has come.
Me: as we no get money, make we no come out for road again.
Biggy: na so life be, who be Adanne wey make Abu dash you 3h.
Me: no mind that yeye aboki man, na one girl em like for this area. You remember that short fair Calabar girl, wey I tell am say her nyash big pass her destiny that day? Biggy thinking
Biggy: ehhnn.. the brown teeth girl.
Me: exactly, na that girl wey dey straff Abu pocket anyhow for this area, the girl name na the password to unlock Abu mumu-ness.
Biggy: you no go fail to borrow again Sha.. em don bleep the girl?
Me: bleep fire! Em fit don press, but I fit swear with my life Abu never see the color of the girl pant, na one mumu smoker wey them dey call Jeff, dey scatter the girl toto.
Biggy: eyaaa! I pity the man Sha… Bamboo dey work monkey dey shop, Abu horse p---k dey pursue girls both of us laughing We got home that day, after Biggy applied the medicine given to us by Abu. He couldn’t wear anything apart from wrapper, as he kept on lamenting on the pains the drug was giving to him. I left him and slept off, as he stood before the standing fan.
The next day, a message that came into my phone woke me up.Me: Jesus!!