Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

8 years ago

Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

I used the next few hours to plan on how to manipulate Deola by using Janet at her finest. It’s not going to be an easy task. Everything must be perfectly arranged and flawlessly delivered. Who knows? I might get lucky with it, or so I thought. I said to myself,

“Words spoken raw can lead to a war.”

Many homes have been broken because of a seemingly harmless utterance by one of the parties. Friends have killed each other because of a carelessly spoken word. Governments have been toppled because of the use of a wrong register. And in my situation, if I don’t act fast, that foolish utterance is gonna land me a family I am not ready for…yet. It’s gonna get me a wife I never planned to marry. It’s not like I don’t love Deola or something, but it appeared that I have cornerd and caged myself by what I said. Many have gone to jail because they express their views in clear and simple terms.

A Simple Analogy.

This is not a grammar section or something oo cos me sef no sabi the language wella. But back then in school, I learnt about meanings (denotative, connotative and collocative) in English Grammar. Consider this statement,

“Biola is a cat.”

On the surface, this metaphoric expression could mean,

1. The friendly nature of a cat. We can say Biola is very a friendly person who plays with everyone.

2. We all know that the back of a cat never touches the ground. So, that expression could also mean Biola is a good wrestler who can never be defeated.

3. If you also consider the slippery and predatory instinct of a cat, we can say Biola is very trickish, cunning and dangerous.

In short, that expression can have multiple meanings to different individuals. I guess they called it Polysemy or something.

N.B: For more on meaning, consult Prof. Wole Soyinka. Lol.

So my people, na so my misyarn wan fire me finish ooo. Thank God for rapid response and tactical nuances from Janet and I. I for become husband by force.

After about 2hrs of waiting, doing nothing, I called Janet to ask about her movement,

Me: Where are you now?

Janet: I am on my way sir. I just got to Ajah Garage.

Me: Since 12 noon? Ha?

Janet: Uncle Femi you’re scaring me. I thought you said all is well earlier. This one that you’re saying I am late now is something else o. I hope it’s not a matter of life and death sir?

Me: No, it’s not. It’s just it bores me to be alone right now. I need a company, that’s all.

Janet: I am on my way sir. I’ll be with you shortly.

Me: Ok.

Yeye girl. Sha do quick make you come jare. I resorted to playing my video game while I await Janet. I called Ini and told her I had left for my friend’s place. She whined and almost cursed her madam for denying her what she called, “an afternoon desert.” That’s my girl.

Almost an hour later, Janet arrived. She didn’t even bother to knock, she just barged into my house as if she knew the door will be left opened for her. Before I could stand up to say hello, she was already close to me. She opened up her body for a hug…and I ran into it.

Me: What took you so long?

Janet: I couldn’t secure the transport fare on time and besides, the traffic was mad today.

Me: It’s alright. Thank God you’re here now.

Janet: Abi ooo. What do you have inside your pot? I am madly hungry now.

Me: Sorry to disappoint you. I haven’t cooked anything since 3 days.

Janet: Ha? Why now? Me I am hungry ooo.

Me: I am sorry. Maybe when we’re through with what I wanna see you for, I can take you to a nearby restaurant.

Janet: You? You that I asked for 20k and your network went off?

Me: Where am I supposed to get that kind of money when I told you already that I am on sick leave?

Janet: Oh, sorry sir. I forgot.

Me: Better. Can we talk now?

Janet: Shoot.

Me: You remember Deola right?

Janet: Yes. The girl you made me lied to that I am your cousin. What happened again?

Me: I mistakenly proposed to her that I want to marry her, and she’s bought it. I’ve just driven myself into a very messy situation here Janet.

Janet: Mistake? You mean you proposed to a woman by, …mistake? That’s unheard of!

Me: I know how it sounds but seriously, I need your help.

Janet: What will you have me do?

Me: Good. This is my plan: I will invite her here probably next week and will also invite on the same day. Immediately you come inside, just walk up straight to me and kiss me. I will take it up from there.

Janet: Jesus! Men are wicked ooo. What if she has a gun in her bag? Do you want her to kill me ni? I no dey do that one o oga.

Me: Calm down. I know Deola more than you. She’s not that type of person. Yes she will be shocked but to be in possession of a gun is never going to happen. Just do what you’re told, the rest will be fixed by me.

Janet: Hmmmm. Na wah ooo. Talk about the length at which you guys can go to get what you want!

Me: Leave the sermon for another day. Are you in, or out?

Janet: And what will be in store for me?

Me: The chance to kiss the man you’ve always wanted!

Janet: Hahahahahaha.