Must Read: Confessions Of A Randy Houseboy

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: Confessions Of A Randy Houseboy

It is 2 am and a noise awakens me. My heart leaps with
anticipation, maybe its madam finally. But I hear it again, the
sounds of feet and guttural voices, I peep through the window
and get the shock of my life! Robbers! They are 5 and they have
captured Etim and they are forcing the front door open. I rush out
and as I get to the parlour Oga and Madam are rushing
downstairs, wide eyed with fright.


‘’What? ‘’ Stammers Oga,
‘’Robbers!’’ I whisper . Oga almost faints with fright, just then the
front door comes crashing down and the robbers storm inside.


Lie down everybody! I hug the ground, I have never been so
alarmed. They are 5, 3 wielding guns , the rest, machetes. Oga
rushes upstairs to bring money escorted by two of them. I am
lying between Etim & Madam. Oga gives them a big bundle of
money, ‘’that is 500,000 thousand, pls take it and go’’. They are
almost on the way out when the big one seems to notice madam
for the 1st time. She is wearing her famous transparent nightie.


The guy stops and motions to her to get up. She gets up staring
at him defiantly, the guy rips her dress and her b0s0ms spill out,
‘’Lie down’’ He barks! Madam still stands , although she is
Unclad she looks dignified. ‘’Lie her down’’. Two of them rush at
madam and wrestle her to the ground, she struggles violently,
Oga is shivering in terror, then something in me snaps. The one
standing guard over us is watching the fracas, I wink at Etim and
leap to my feet, and deliver a crushing blow to the side of his
neck, as he slumps I wrench the falling A.K. 47.


From his hands
and use the the butt to pummel the next guys temple, but I am in
trouble because the next guy is raising his gun , but, thank God !
Etim springs at him like a cat, the other two with machetes race
out into the dark as madam attempts to scratch out their eyes.
Oga is very pleased with me. He finally agrres to give me a job! I
am so happy but when he informs me that he had a friend who
could help me into the army I am shocked! Army?


I expected a
white collar job. At least I had my OND. If not life I never
expected to be a houseboy. Me Okon Ita Bassey! I tell oga to give
me time to think about it. After careful consideration I decide its
the best thing to move on. I cant continue like this. That is clear.


The next day I tell oga i am interested and he nods without
saying a word. I am now very excited ! When I tell Etim he goes green with envy!


I avoid madam but she finally corners me in the store one
evening, ”so u are planning to leave us?” I nod, tongue tied. She
nods and looks at me in a manner that makes me forget my vow
to be celibate for now. ”When are u leaving ?” ”I don’t know yet,
oga said he will tell me when the time draws near.” She sighs
softly and looks so beatiful and sad. Impusively I step forward
grab her and crush her succulent lips with mine.