Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Those of you who had received a slap from a mechanic will agree with me that its an experience you will not even wish your enemy.
I ran to musa’s house to find him already eating.

musa i don’t like what you did o, you were the one that brought the idea but i was the one suffering the repercusion. i queried.

chai!!! that slap bad o, see as e don configure your english. Oboy e go good make you the receive slap everyday o. musa teased.

Which slap? na because you run na, you no see wetin i use the boy do. Na beg him beg naim make i leave am o.

At this moment, philip came back from the class and joined musa in eating.

Kelvin this one wey you no dey chop, person die?
philip asked.

Person no die but person nearly die. musa answered him.

Wetin happen na? philip asked.

Musa, the God of gossip started explaining everything to philip. At the end, they started laughing an evil laugh. Philip has this kind of laugh that could make you cry. I prefered that mechanic’s slap to philip’s laugh.

No be that one make me no wan chop o, na fast i dey fast. Truely, i was fasting. My girlfriend was refusing to pick my call, she had caught me cheating. That was definately worth fasting for. I told them what had happened, and they started advising me.

According to philip, our relationship had lasted and i should find another girlfriend. He said an ideal relationship was supposed to last for at most three months. Any relationship that lasted more than three months, you are bound to find one of them cheating. That was philip’s principle. Whatelse do you expect from a player? a guy who had dated almost all the girls in his class in just this few months he had spent on campus.

Philip’s relationship always ends after having s€x with his “PREY”. Yes, i said prey. I dont believe they should be called his girldfriends since their primary responsibility was to satisfy his s€xual urge.

Musa on the other hand was a self disciplined muslim boy. Musa wasn’t into any relationship, infact he had never been in any relationship since his arrival on campus. Despite being a novice in the game of relationships, he could give life saving advice on that field. Musa was a sure candidate for ‘HEAVEN’. His only drawbacks were his mischief and his gluttony.

musa’s advise was that i should apologise to her, probably with a gift she likes. And i should promise her never to cheat on her again.

Musa’s advice sounded more like it. I would have gone with philip’s advise if it were to be any other girl, but this is Cynthia we were talking about. A girl i had pictured in my future. A girl that tought me what it meant to be truely loved. Cynthia deserves more than a three months relationship, she was a lifetime kinda girl.

Musa thank you for your advice o, na u try pass.
I had said after listening to him
philip you be fool o, for say your father and mother do only three months relationship you for dey here today? i asked philip, seriously expecting a good reply.

Come ask me for advise next time na, if i no cut your tongue. Philip threatened. As your father and mother do pass three months, you no see the result? he continued. You no see as dem born mumu pikin like you?

I wanted to reply him but my phone started ringing. It was Rita. I quickly picked the call.

Me and cynthia are going to the class to read this night, you can meet us there. I thanked her and ended the phone. Time to start preparing for either reconcilation or disgrace.

“pray for the best but still expect the worse”

I don’t know how my life would be if i loose cynthia. She had made my stay on campus a pleasant one. In this same campus where students were complaining that its too stressful, my own story was that of Joy and thanksgiving all thanks to cynthia.

Now am on the verge of loosing her because of my reckless behaviour.

I didn’t love vivian. What we shared was more of a contract kinda love. I felt i was indepted to her for what she did to me concerning mama nkechi’s case. I felt refusing her of her desire would amount to greed on my part. But now it feels like she has stolen my most valuable asset.
It feels like she’s the devil my pastor had been talking about that gave eve the fruit and collected their paradise.

*****************************

It was just 7:15pm and i had already taken my bath, sprayed the ‘Northerner’ perfume i had bought few days ago. Applied my hair cream. Put on my three quarter knicker and a polo shirt to match coupled with my ‘Christain Louboutin, sorry prada easy wear. I was looking like the fine boy i was. If there is anything cynthia loved, it was neatness. I had no money to buy her gift as musa had advised but i had to look presentable.
Atleast if she is to break up with me, she would know she was breaking up with a gentle, responsible guy(thats if gentleness and being responsible are a product of what we wear as


we were meant to believe).

At exactly 7:30pm, i stepped out of my house. The cool breeze welcomed me. It was a good sign.
It shows that even God was in support of my reconciliation.

where you the go like this na? mike had asked immediatly he saw how i was dressing. I wan go jack for class. i replied.

remember wetin happen the last time you pour this kind perfume ba?

I had gisted mike on why i never liked wearing perfumes. It happened in my secondary school days when an Northerner brought a perfume for sale. The price was very attractive so i bought it. I wore it to the class the next day feeling like a celebrity. Everything was going fine untill someone decided to drop a very foxy_like fart.
Diffusion was in practise as the gas had spread to the whole class. hmmmmm!!! hmmmmmm!!!! were the sounds i started hearing. when i couldnt bear the smell again, i stood up to leave the class. Little did i know that the flies had found my perfume very attractive and were stalking me. Immediatelly i stood up to leave, my bodyguards started following me.

kelvin why fly the follow you for nyash na? someone shouted from behind. The whole class turned to see the legion of flies that were giving me close marking.

so na u mess? A pretty girl at the front had asked followed by insults from all corners of the class.
To say i was embarassed will be an understatement. From that day my classmates started calling me Tess Mercer(coined from agent Tess mercer of smallville).

No worry, dis one na original perfume.I assured mike. I walked to the class with optimism. I sent Rita a text asking her where they were and she replied me with their location.

I put on the best smile in the books and bounced towards them. Hello sweetheart. I had said immediately i reached where they were.

kpozaaaaaa I heard. The whole class turned towards the direction of the slap.