Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

The sound of the slap was very loud. All eyes traced the direction of the slap.

No fear!! i wasn’t the one who received the slap. Vivian had been arguing with a boy.

It seems like the boy was asking her out or something of that nature.

Obviously not wanting to concede defeat, the boy raised his hand to slap her but was abruptly stopped.

Guy you wan graduate? A dark guy asked. In uam, the penalty to a fight was an expulsion.

i wonder why vivian would go to an extent of slapping someone when she knew the repercussion.

Cynthia, Rita and i just watched in awe as the drama unfolded.

Dont you ever in your life again call me a b¡tch.
Vivian warned before she stormed out of the class.
.
Everybody went back to their books as if nothing had happened. Even Cynthia pretended like she didn’t notice my presence.

Cynthia can i talk to you? i asked with a shaky voice.

It’s like you didn’t notice what your girlfriend just did or do you want me to do the same to you?
Cynthia, you are my girlfriend. I know i’v hurt you but i have an explanation if you are ready to hear.
What explanation? you want to give me an in-depth lecture on how you had S£x with that… that…. that weirdo, that freak? It’s like Cynthia didn’t watch what just happened to someone who called vivian a b¡tch.
Mr. Lecturer, you can save your lectures for someone who cares. Cynthia had begin to raise her voice. She was getting emotional. Cynthia was a fluent english speaker but when she’s angry, she starts to stammer.
I could sense she was hurt. I could feel her pains. I could see her heart bleed. All because of me.
Cynthia please you guys can work this out. Rita spoke.
I’v known kelvin for a short while but i can tell you that there are only few of his type out there. My head was begining to swell. I was feeling like ‘Edward’.
If he cheated on you its because he is human with flesh and blood and is bound to make mistakes. Rita continued.
At this point Cynthia broke down in tears. I held her hand and led her out of the class amidst staring eyes.
Cynthia,i know i dont deserve you but if you forgive me, i promise i’ll never do anything to hurt you.

She held my head looked me in the eyes as if looking for something.

kelvin i love you, she finally said before breaking down in tears. I held her in a warm embrace. She clutched on to me very tightly nearly breaking my ribs in the process.

I was in dream land. I saw myself ascending to the sky. My angel had just redeemed me.

It was the clap of someone that brought me back to earth. Back to the hot city of makurdi and back to my beautiful school uam. When is the wedding taking place? The voice asked. I recognised the voice, it was Rita.

It seems like you just proposed to her na, so when is the wedding coming up?

The wedding will come up when you learn to give people some privacy. Cynthia replied.

sorry o, Rita said and left.

I have to go back and read, i have plenty of work to catch up on. Cynthia told me.

No problem. Read well o, i would not want my wife to be an iliterate o, i teased.

she got the joke and just left.

I started the missionary journey back to my house since i brought no book to read. i was half way to my house when i noticed someone was following me. I tried to increase my speed but it seems like he was usain bolt’s younger brother. He finally caught up with me.

Bros wetin make you the follow me na. i asked after he caught up with me.

Shey na u be Vivian boyfriend? shey na you make her disgrace me today? e don red for you.

There is this kind of fear that can make a guy loose his sense of hearing.

No be you be kelvin?

I was hearing “NO BE YOU BE CHELSEA?”
No!!!! i no be chelsea fan o, chelsea na mumu club.

So na my club you the call mumu club? offence number two.

It was dark and i was praying for a good samaritan to pass.

It seems like God had already answered one of my prayer and so he was leaving this one for me to solve myself.

Imagine say i dey toast vivian the babe the tell me say na u be her guy and she no fit leave you.
The whole me o.

I wanted to ask him if i was half but i valued my cheek. Bros i no sabi anybody wey be vivian o, my girl friend name na chekube.

How the matter go be be say you go drop your phone and anything wey you hold for pocket before we go talk.

I had #1496 in my phone, the card i had stolen from mama nkechi. I had use #4 to text Rita.

I was planning to sell the Airtime and use the money for important things but this guy in front of me had other plans.

you no the hear english? i say drop everything wey dey your pocket..

Bross nothing dey my pocket o, my pocket even get hole sef. My pocket had holes but my foolish friend musa had decided to mend it for me.

I wouldn’t have been holding anything in my pocket if not for musa’s silly help.

Dis your three quarter fine o, its like You go pull am o. I contemplated running but this guy would catch me even if he walked. The hunger made things worse.

When i wasn’t making any effort to pull my three quarter, he came to pull it himself.

As we were struggling , someone flashed a light to our direction.

Weting the happen there? A huge dark guy asked. He was a member of the vigilante group.
For once i was happy to see a vigilante guy.

Nothing happen o, him the sag naim i wan show am where him waist dey. The silly vigilante just drew close to me, i could smell alcohol on his cloth. Na so una university boys go the do row waist. He dropped a bullet while drawing my knicker upwards to my belly. I wanted to ask him if i was in a private university but the fear of the unknown shut my mouth.

Oya run go your house. I ran with a kind of speed i never imagined i had. I wonder where i was when nigeria was disgraced in the 2012 olympics.

**************************

I went straight to musa’s house to find him fast asleep. As usual, philip had went for night class.
Musa’s average daily routine looked like this.
Wake-eat-mischief-eat-sleep.

Oga wake up, which kind mumu sleep be dis, your mates the jack for class you the sleep.

musa woke up grudgingly. you wey your mates the contest for mr. fresher nko?

Wetin you talk? i asked with my mouth open.

philip buy mr. fresher form na, the thing the come up soon.

waoh!!! now i can take my mind off this troubles and concentrate on something that’s worth it.

My life had been filled with controversies this past few days. It was time to invest my time in something meaningful. Something that would fetch me good cash at the end of the day. Mr and Mrs fresher sounded like the best investment at the moment.

musa so how e go be na? i dey interested o. i told musa. Not that i was that handsome, it was based on my charisma.

No wahala na, the form na 2k.

2k!!!!!!!!!! even if i were to be turned upside down and shaken, i wont produce up to #500.

No worry i go find the money.I started to practise faith.

wetin be the first prize?

oboy na flat screen TV o. Plus the babes wey go start trip.

Count me in bro. I shouted. That first prize na me the get am. I concluded.

See person wey dey talk. You and Taiwo, who fine pass?

Ask your sister. No be she no wan let me rest? I joked.

If my sister bring person like you come house, na hot water i go use pursue two of una.

I wasn’t in the mood for an arguement, i just left the jobless boy and went straight to my room. As if the sleep had been waiting for me to come as it just eloped me.

*****************************


Morning came faster than i expected. It was time to start preparing for lectures. I quickly brushed my teeth and took my bath.

I prepared a solution of garium sulphate garnished with Arachis hypogaea(make the name no deceive you o,na garri and groundnut) and drank peacefully.

I treked to the lecture complex, thanks to my Igede gene.

It is public belief that the Igede people of benue state are good trekers.

My grandfather had told me a story of how the igede people migrated from the niger delta area to settle in Benue state. According to him, Our forefather had gone to fetch water with the royal calabash, and had mistakingly broke it. His father, who happens to be the king wasn’t happy with him. The crowned prince (my forefather’s step brother) however, took it personal. He asked for that calabash to be produced and refused to collect a new one.

The issue had aggravated and my forefather and his ‘BABES’ had to trek all the way from niger delta to benue. I swear, God help them say dem no pass benue. If not for that conflict, i would have been a niger delta boy. I would have been spending my oil money. The president would have been my brother. I would have had the exclusive right to say dat ‘there would be bloodshed if Mr. x doesn’t win election.

Brothers and sisters, it pays to be a niger deltan.

Igede boy!!! musa hailed me when he saw me.
Thats the name he calls me when he sees me treking.

He would always tell me that benue was minority in nigeria and igede was minority in benue.

Chai!!!!! i don suffer. Even my secondary school teacher once said that the Igede race was represented by a dot on the nigerian map and that the whole igede citizens wouldn’t be able to completely fill an ’18-sitter’ bus. Can you imagine?

anyways, i treked happily to the class.

*****************************

When i reached my lecture hall, everybody was busy gisting in small groups.


As soon i as reached, all eyes started staring at me. I nearly missed my steps but i summoned courage and move towards my courserep.

Oboy whatsup na, this one wey everybody dey look me hope say i no sh¡t for trouser?

Oboy, the gist wey dey class now be say na you the move that hot chick, Vivian.

What was he talking about? i was suprised.

who come bring that kind news na? i asked him
Na Vivian herself o, she tell her friends naim the news spray. UAM sha!!


The news was disturbing. Vivian was on the wanted list of most guys on campus and if this latest development hit the ears of some guys, then what happened yesterday would just be ‘a tip of the iceberg’.

All the lecturers were saying that day was just gibberish. Vivian’s case was the only thing on my mind. i decided i was going to meet her at the end of the class.

After wasting my precious time, the lectures were through for the day. Vivian picked her books and left the class. I ran after her.

hey sweetheart, whatsup? she had said immediatelly i catched up with her.

Vivian, i think you are mixing things up. You and i are just friends.

So after what we did yesterday we are still ‘just friends’? Vivian asked.

I’v told all my friends that i’v found love and you are here telling me rubish.


You can tell them that you caught me cheating, or that i wasn’t good in bed. Anything, but lets end whatever this is.

She let out a loud laugh and finally said, “you know the last one is true”.

You don’t even deserve me, am out of here.

she left me standing there suprised.

Thank God i finally Got rid of her, i said to myself.
I went to the bust stop and boarded a bus back home.

Driver easy o, dis your speed too much o. A lady behind me was complaining.

No fear, na 32years be dis wey i don dey drive and i never get accident. The driver replied feeling like James bond.

An okada man was also following us with a ‘break neck’ speed. The okada man tried to overtake and the next i heard was Jesus!! Jesus!! from every corner of the bus.

Our driver had knock down the okada man.

We all went out to see the okadaman seriosly bleeding. His passenger was a girl and she was lying as if she was dead. A clearer look at the girl showed that it was Vivian.