Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Jealousy is a feeling that brings out mixed results. It could bring out the best in you. Yes!!!!!

I just said that, jealousy could make you do great things in other to outsmart your competitor.

On the other hand, jealousy could make you do crazy and silly things.

All in all, if we learn to channel the anger we get through jealousy into gainful ventures, we would succeed in creating a competitive world and all the innovations we are seeing today would be a child’s play compared to what we will achieve.
Why am i saying this? I was jealous of philip. He had the best manager one could think of.

Vivian was a very popular girl on campus, she could pull crowds. In other words, the crowd will be solidly behind philip which will be a big plus to him.
Abegi, wetin manager the even do wey i no fit do for myself? I consoled myself.

No worry, i fit contact chris for you, the guy go be real manager..

Chris was a guy who was english language’s worst enemy. The way he abuses english will make you hate the language.

One of those days, he was asked to pray.

Papa God, i said make i gleet you. Chris started his prayer with a grammatical blunder.

U make us sreep rike new born babies and wake rike giant. Na you o, if not for you we for dies….

He continued shooting his bullets, i wondered if God would answer such prayer.

Abeg carry am, i dash you. I no want make stray bullets come hit me.

I left philip’s house but not without stealing a large piece of meat.

*****************************

I went to my house and started cooking for the first time in a week.

If you are wondering how i feed, read this story all over again
What exactly was i cooking? Noodles.

I cooked my noodles and ate peacefully. I like that name noodles!!! It makes it sound like a ‘big man’s’ food whereas, it is now a food for the poor. I had just finished eating dinner thanks to my #50 indomie noodles.

I picked up my Nokia phone and started playing Sudoku.

The game was frustrating me. It made me look like a dull guy. No doubt, am dull o, but garri was like my ‘lomosity’, it increased my brain strenght.

Too bad i just ate noodles. No wonder most rich people are dull. Contradictory right?

I was getting bored and wanted to catch some sleep when my phone rang.

Meet me at the cafeteria, the caller had said.

It was Cynthia.

Correct girl. Na now i go eat better food jare, i tought.

I quickly went to my public bathroom and took my bath, got prepared and headed straight to the cafeteria.

*****************************

They where many people at the cafeteria when i came. They where probably trying to eat supper.
I located Cynthia at the middle, where everybody could easily see us. I wasn’t comfortable but no be me dey pay na, or so i tought.

I walked up to her, she was with three of her friends.

When she saw me, she stood up and hugged me.

She then told me to make my orders.

I quickly ordered for jellof rice with meat, and a bottle of malta guiness to wash it down.

The food was delicious, I wasn’t even hearing what cynthia and her friends where saying, but i could tell that they laughed occasionally. Maybe at me, but i never cared. I was very much engaged in my meal i didn’t want anybody to disturb me.

Few minutes later we were all through.

The waiter or is it bar girl? Came to clear the table before she retured for her money.

Kelvin pay her quick lets go na, cynthia spoke.

I had only #20 on me.

Now i know why Davido sang gobe.

Nothing is as fearful as having an angry man chase you with a weapon in his hands.

There is this group of people we call ‘Old timers’ when playing cashew. I swear if you no play cashew then u didn’t grow up in the streets.

Philip had earned himself a name as an ‘Old timer’ so when he was chasing me with a stone in his hands, my hands where busy trying to protect my head. My head was so big so my hands where not doing enough in protecting my head.

I ran straight towards philips room, musa was already standing outside watching the drama. I took a quick turn to enter the room, just then, philip trew the stone. Musa who was busy laughing at my running style( cos i was running like an antelope) didn’t see the stone but as a sharp guy with eyes behind my head, i quickly bent down. Musa was still laughing when the stone located his forehead. A ‘kulu’ quickly formed on his forehead.

NB: kulu means a protusion of a particular bodypart. Dont know the language sha.

Musa’s laugh turned into a frown. He quickly ran into the room and started looking for something.

My dull brain told me that he was looking for ice to reduce his kulu.

Mumu, u keep ‘ice block’ for inside your room? I asked in suprise.

Just then, philip came into the room.
Wetin this mumu dey find na? Philip added salt to injury.

Dont worry, when i find am you go know, musa answered.

After searching the whole kitchen, musa finally saw what he was looking for.

A sharp knife was in his hands.

I immediately rushed him and grabbed him from behind.

Walahi, if you no leave me i go chuck you this knife, musa threatened.

Oboy drop knife o, dem no dey use knife play o, i sarted preaching caution.

Dem the use stone play? Musa asked.

At this point, musa wasn’t concentrating on the knife.

Philip kicked the knife away from musa’s hand.

I was so impressed that i left musa and started clapping for philip.

Kai, oboy you pass jack bauer, i complemented philip.

The next thing i saw was a well calculated headbutt on philips lips.

A red wattery liquid started gushing out of philips lips, i wasn’t sure if it was blood or zobo.

NB: zobo is a locally produced red wine. Well, it is a wine for someone like me who hasn’t tasted wine.

Haba musa, see as you don spoil philip fine face wey him wan use contest for mr. fresher.

At the mention of mr.fresher, philip’s face lit up in excitement.

Ehen,kelvin i hear say you ma wan contest.

Yes na, na only you like better thing? I asked him.

Abeg o, no be rice them the share there o because i know say na hunger the carry you go there. Philip started his usual silly advices.
Seriously, you know say if two of us contest, e go increase the chances of bringing the prize to this group.

Na true o, only say your house no get light so wetin you wan use television do na?

Truely, i didn’t have light in my room. The light had ended in mike’s room.

The landlord had told me to pay money to connect light but i didn’t care since my only electronic was My phone.

No worry, i go sell the TV use the money buy brain for you, idiot!!!

But who be your manager na? I asked philip
Oboy na Vivian o, philip replied.

Which Vivian?

Your Vivian na.

Only one feeling came into my heart.
JEALOSY!!!!!!!!!

ealousy is a feeling that brings out mixed results. It could bring out the best in you. Yes!!!!! I just said that, jealousy could make you do great things in other to outsmart your competitor.

On the other hand, jealousy could make you do crazy and silly things.

All in all, if we learn to channel the anger we get through jealousy into gainful ventures, we would succeed in creating a competitive world and all the innovations we are seeing today would be a child’s play compared to what we will achieve.

Why am i saying this? I was jealous of philip.
He had the best manager one could think of.

Vivian was a very popular girl on campus, she could pull crowds. In other words, the crowd will be solidly behind philip which will be a big plus to him.

Abegi, wetin manager the even do wey i no fit do for myself? I consoled myself.

No worry, i fit contact chris for you, the guy go be real manager.

Chris was a guy who was english language’s worst enemy. The way he abuses english will make you hate the language.

One of those days, he was asked to pray.

Papa God, i said make i gleet you. Chris started his prayer with a grammatical blunder.

U make us sreep rike new born babies and wake rike giant. Na you o, if not for you we for dies….

He continued shooting his bullets, i wondered if God would answer such prayer.

Abeg carry am, i dash you. I no want make stray bullets come hit me.

I left philip’s house but not without stealing a large piece of meat.

*****************************

I went to my house and started cooking for the first time in a week.

If you are wondering how i feed, read this story all over again
What exactly was i cooking? Noodles.

I cooked my noodles and ate peacefully. I like that name noodles!!! It makes it sound like a ‘big man’s’ food whereas, it is now a food for the poor. I had just finished eating dinner thanks to my #50 indomie noodles.

I picked up my Nokia phone and started playing Sudoku.

The game was frustrating me. It made me look like a dull guy. No doubt, am dull o, but garri was like my ‘lomosity’, it increased my brain strenght.

Too bad i just ate noodles. No wonder most rich people are dull. Contradictory right?

I was getting bored and wanted to catch some sleep when my phone rang.

Meet me at the cafeteria, the caller had said.

It was Cynthia.

Correct girl. Na now i go eat better food jare, i tought.

I quickly went to my public bathroom and took my bath, got prepared and headed straight to the cafeteria.

*****************************

They where many people at the cafeteria when i came. They where probably trying to eat supper.

I located Cynthia at the middle, where everybody could easily see us. I wasn’t comfortable but no be me dey pay na, or so i tought.

I walked up to her, she was with three of her friends.

When she saw me, she stood up and hugged me.
She then told me to make my orders.

I quickly ordered for jellof rice with meat, and a bottle of malta guiness to wash it down.

The food was delicious, I wasn’t even hearing what cynthia and her friends where saying, but i could tell that they laughed occasionally. Maybe at me, but i never cared. I was very much engaged in my meal i didn’t want anybody to disturb me.

Few minutes later we were all through.

The waiter or is it bar girl? Came to clear the table before she retured for her money.

Kelvin pay her quick lets go na, cynthia spoke.

I had only #20 on me.

Now i know why Davido sang gobe.