Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

A large crowd had gathered, ‘what for’ is still a misery to me.

The accident victims that were supposed to be given proper ventilation where almost choking due to the large crowd that had surrounded them.

Abeg make person give them ‘mouth-to-mouth’ na.

Oboy, no be your girlfriend? go give her ‘mouth-to-mouth’ na. A guy was telling me.

Giving vivian ‘mouth-to-mouth’ artificial respiration wasn’t a big deal. I would have willingly done it. The only problem at that moment was that, after giving the artificial respiration to vivian, the group would expect me to extend the favour to the okada man. I didn’t know the microbial occupants of the okadaman’s oral cavity, and to be sincere with you, i didn’t want to know.

The sound of the syrene brought me back to reality. For once, those guys in the school clinic would have something critical to treat and not to conduct some useless tests on urine and poo.

The accident victims were transported to the school clinic courtesy of the Ambulance.

Our ‘self acclaimed’ expert driver with 32years driving experience was visibly shocked. I wasn’t going to enter the bus of a driver who hasn’t recovered from emotional guilt.

I was also an expert treker with 18years treking experience. I had to exhibit my God giving talent.
The sun was scorching hot. The distance didn’t help matters.

I was at the ‘north core’ of the federal university of agriculture while my house was located at the south core.

The distance from ‘north core’ to south core when using a bus is equivalent to the distance from lagos to borno state. The distance on foot is equivalent to the distance from the north pole to the south pole of the globe.

The school clinic on the other hand, is located at the middlecore, a shorter distance compared to the south core. I decided to pay vivian a compulsory visit. I was going to wait for her till she regains conciousness.

I strolled to the school clinic. Immediatelly i got there, she regained her conciousness.

Where am i? what happened?? what am i doing here?

Na wa o, which one i go come answer na?

Anyways, you where involed in a minor accident and was brought to the school clinic.

That silly bikeman!! is he also in the clinic?

This girl wasn’t even bothered about her state of health, she was asking for a bikeman, or is she planning to slap him as she slapped the other guy?

Imagine that silly man o, i warned him to ride slowly but he told me he’d been riding his bike for 15years without accident.

why is everybody so obsessed with numbers na?
The bikeman said the bus driver was driving as if he owned the road so he wanted to overtake him.
After explaining vividly to me as if she wanted me to sieze the bikeman’s license, she asked me to take her home.

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We stopped another bike and she directed him to her house.

Cynthia’s room was the definition of my dream room.

She had a large bed at one corner, a reading table and chair, a television and a dvd set. The room was painted pink. What’s with girls and pink?

Vivian was very tired, she took her bath and fell straight to the bed and before i could say jack, she was already sleeping. Oboy see opportunity to steal na. A ‘two headed’ monster spoke to me. It was the same monster that had advised me to go with musa’s plan.

I ignored it as the good boy that i am and started watching some boring nigerian movies.

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Vivian woke up almost two hours later, i checked my phone and it was just a quarter past four. I had gotten almost 6 missed calls from cynthia.

I had silenced my phone when receiving lectures.

I made a mental note to call her when i get home.

Cynthia offered to escort me. She was feeling pains and had to lean on me for support.

Immediately we stepped out of her room, i saw cynthia coming towards us. My eyes popped as her gaze caught mine.

Why was cynthia always at the wrong place at the wrong time??

I tried asking google but it seems even the ‘almighty google’ had no answers to that question.

I could feel the look of dissapointment in her eyes. And her mind telling her all the evil things we would have done in that room. But for once, i had a clear conscience.

I ran towards her while vivian was limping and shouting ‘kelvin what’s the problem?’ Is something wrong? Are you running mad?
She probably didn’t know i had a girlfriend.

Cynthia wasn’t my coursemate so our relationship was somewhat covert and classified.
When i finally caught up with her i was breathing heavily.

Hey, u didn’t tell me your friend lived here, Cynthia said sounding sarcastic.

Yeah, i didn’t even know untill today. She had an accident and i brought her home.

At this point, vivian had reached our position.

Vivian, this is Cynthia my girlfriend.

Cynthia, meet my coursemate . I did a brief introduction.

Any girl with half a brain would know that i had just given them place value.

They grudgingly shook hands.

An aura of hostility swept into the arena. The both girls where quite.

Cynthia lets go home na, i broke the silence.

Okay na, lets go. It was really nice meeting you, Cynthia said to Vivian.

Cynthia said she didn’t feel like going to my house so i just escorted her to the hostel.

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I reached home feeling exhausted so i just reached for my bed and slept.

I woke up some hours later, precisely 6:05.

I went to philip’s house only to find him and musa treating themselves to a sumptuous meal.

I gladly joined them. The meal was irresistible.
Even the aroma could quench your hunger.

Last time i ate such meal was when i went home to beg for money. I didn’t waste time as i grabbed a large chunk of meat. I forgot philip was a Tiv man, that was my greatest mistake.
You can play with a Tiv man but never play with his meat. A Tiv man could set fire in his room just to catch a rat that had mistakingly entered.

My Tiv brothers abeg na joke i dey joke o.

Immediately i grabbed the meat, philip rushed me as if he was running after a cheetah. I didn’t dissapoint as i took him on a running spree..

Philip chased me as if his life depended on the meat. Me,on the other hand wanted to practise usain bolt’s victory dance so i continued my 100meters relay.

We ran round the neighbourhood like Aki and paw paw. Eyes where already staring at the two university students who where showing the whole campus that there where not worthy of their admission.

I was expertly biting the meat while running.

I was begining to feel thirsty, but no pain, no gain.

I accelerated and then started moving with constant velocity. I didn’t see the big stone in front of me, i just triped and fell. My face landed on the stagnant water that had been there since i got into the school.

Philip stopped chasing me and i started laughing.

That two headed monster was telling me ‘i think you been dey thirsty na, u don drink water, just make sure say u bath philip’.

I scooped the water with my hands and poured it on philip. He was so annoyed as he picked up a stone and start round 2