Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

I re-read the text, suprise was written all over my face. It was clear, Amaka is a witch.

What game was she talking about? Was there a football match i was not aware of? Or did she mean what i was thinking? Was she threatening me?

Please give me a break!!!! Even google server go crash if i ask all those questions.

Oboy wahala dey o, i explained the whole events to my friends who just waved it off as an attempt by a desperate chick to give me sleepless nights.

At that moment, i decided to forget about contesting for mr.fresher, instead i was going to trow my support behind philip. Afterall, if he wins, i still win.

“Oboy no worry, if she try anything we go treat her fucck up” musa assured me.

Na so you the talk, but when e come back fire, you go run leave me.

“Forget that thing, i gat your back like spine” musa reassured me, an assurance i never took serious. Anytime i want to start believing in musa’s supernatural power of mischief, i remember the slap of that mechanic boy. That slap that changed my life.

Abeg kelvin come help me beg this mosquitoes na, them don the use me celebrate sallah o.
Philip was busy slapping himself.

The funniest thing is that, my mosquitoes know me and they obey my voice.


The mosquitoes in my room didn’t have probosis, instead they had straw. The sraw enables them to feed on their prey without actually pearching on their body, so even though you slap yourself, you only succeed In breaking the straw while the mosquito escapes to go and buy another straw. Why do i know all these? Me and the orgarnisms in my room are pals. Infact, there was a time the rats in my room wanted to start paying rents but i just told them not to worry, afterall what are friends for?


Oboy we don the go abeg before this mosquitoes spoil this my fine skin,philip said while running away.


Mr.fresher, i hailed him while seeing them off.
I went back and slept off.

*****************************

I went to school the next day feeling light, like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
The sale of forms for the mr.fresher had ended the previous day. I went to school with the intention of learning.

Different candidates of the mr.fresher pageantry had been coming to introduce themselves to the class in other to win the support of the crowd.

Even chris, english language nemesis was a contestant. I swear, nothing wey we no go see for this life.

Class, please i want you to listen as one of our very own addresses us, a guy i assumed to be chris manager had said.


Good day crass, my name is chlis Amongo. I want you peoples to know that i want mr.flesher to be me. If me get mr.flesher, i go make sure say evli body go come celeblate, we go kill nyiam gyio.

NB: nyiam gyio means pig meat in tiv language.

Oboy if you win make sure say everybody attend GST113, a voice shouted from the back.

GST113 is communication in english. A gst course.
Vivian, also came and introduced philip.

The way she spoke so passionately about philip, i knew it was more than just the work of a manager.

I was wondering how i would have been standing there right now considering the fact that i was shy.


That not withstanding, i still felt a part of me that wanted to be contesting. I had this conviction that i was going to win.

How would you feel if you were to be contesting? A girl sitting close to me ask.

Well, it would have been great, i replied.

Someone actually saw you and thought you are qualified, she bought a form for you.

Waoh!!! I felt butterflies in my stomach.

Where is she? I asked
Follow me.

I followed her outside to see who had brought my hope back.

Hello kelvin, my sponsor had said.

Damn!!!!! It was Amaka.

Amaka was standing outside with a white paper which i pressumed to be the mr.fresher form.

Amaka was wearing a very short skirt, she was putting on a red lipstick, brown powder, some varieties of colours on her eyelashes and yellow nails.

I wanted to run but my legs failed me.

I wanted to run, not because of anything but because Amaka looked just like my village masquerade.

The thing about the masquerade is that it always has a long whip at the back. I had to run because i didn’t want anybody to remind me of mr. Stephen.

Mr.Stephen was my secondary school teacher, his cane could make you forget your name.

There was a day he flogged the whole school and everybody stood for the rest of the day, nobody could sit.

Why are you doing this? I broke the silence.

Amaka turned and spoke to her ‘messanger’ “you can now go”

I wonder why a grown up university student will be doing the work of a messanger.

Kelvin, i just bought you the mr.fresher’s form.

Don’t ask how i did it, i have my connections. I also know some of the judges, i could just make a call and you are our next mr.fresher.

And what do i have to give you in return? I asked.

Nothing, i just felt like helping you.

The Amaka i know wouldn’t help you without receiving anything in return.

Yes, i just met her and yes, she paid for my meal but i knew that she was going to ask for something in return.

I don’t think i need your help, thank you. I made to leave when she spoke.

If i were you, i’d reconsider.

How do you think Cynthia would feel when she finds out we have been exchanging calls and text behind her back?

And i remember correctly, you were the one who called me first. Cynthia would be intrested in knowing how you got my number.

Remember again, that i sent you a text with my home address, Cynthia would like to know what you were looking for in my house. She had caught you cheating once, but am sure she will break up with you when she finds out you cheated on her for the second time. Just accept this form, and you will never see my face again.

Was this the game she was talking about?

This girl had played her cards well, she had put me in a tight corner, she had pushed me to the wall, i was going to fight back.

And what makes you think i don’t have any evidence to incriminate you? Remember you had text me to tell me i was going to regret my actions? You had also text me to tell me that the game has just begun.

“My dear friend, i also have evidence” i concluded.

Truth is, i had deleted the two messages but Amaka didn’t know about it, i’m going to play on that loophole.

Well, there is always a way out of every problem, Amaka spoke.

I said you were going to regret it because you came to my room and ra:ped me, i wasn’t ready to forgive you so i sent you a text that “the game has just begun”.

My dear friend, my evidence outweighed yours.
Sh¡t!!!! This girl has just tried my patience, she is going to regret it.

Amaka or whatever you call yourself, am not going to let you blackmail me.

I dont need your help and i will never need your help.

I left her standing there i went back to the class, picked up my bag and started going home.

I needed to clear my head, i needed an advice.

Musa wasn’t at home when i went home so i had to visit moses.

After explaining everything, he said it was just a minor case.

He gave me a wrapped paper. Oboy wetin be this na? I asked.

Na igbo o, just take am you go know wetin to do with Amaka.

I had vowed never to have anything to do with marijuana but in this case, anything that would give me a quick solution was what i wanted.

We went to the back of the hostel to smoke our igbo. After the first drag, i discovered it wasn’t as hard as people had potrayed it to be so a dragged it with all my strenght, That was my greatest undoing. The whole world stood still and i felt something moving in my head as if an insect had found its way into my head. I was feeling hot, i had to remove my shirt and my trouser. I was left with my singlet and my boxers.

As if an idea just entered my head, i stood up and started going.

Oboy where you the go na? Moses asked.

No worry, i don get the solution, i dey go collect the form from Amaka.