Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

U17 boys na dem make i no update quick o……. this update is dedicated to them.

Where those bomboklat? I go kill person pikin today. Mr.macho was shouting..

Philip was already soaking in his urine. Musa ran to lock the door but he was too late, mr.macho pushed the door so hard that musa was thrown inside like a baloon.

Jah save the bomboklat that stole i-man’s mama things. Which wan come be i-man na? I thought inwardly, first it was iphone, then ipad, ipod and now iman?? The fan was on its highest speed but philip was still sweating like a full bucket of water had been emptied on his body.

I said my prayers in an inaudible manner. So you babylonians eat mama’s food, jah strike you down.

Oga no be me o, na these boys wey…. Philip was trying to say something when a slap cut him short.

The slap sounded like an atomic bomb, it sent an electromagnetic impulse to my brain. I felt his pain.

Musa was still on the ground and mr.macho was coming towards me.

My brain was on hyperthinking mode, processing data at 1000terabytes per second, i was on different search engines searching for ideas, you can call it multitasking. While google was telling me rubbish, wikipedia how to prevent burglars from entering your room, same as ask.com, info.com, yahoo, webcrawler. Only yabaleftonline gave me an idea but by then, mr.macho had already grabbed my neck, he was raising me from the ground. O….o….oga…..i…..i….i…no..no…well…. I…swe…. Swear. I managed to muster. I was already seeing myself in the afterworld, i was putting on white sitting at the right hand Side of God. I looked down and saw philcz, he was in hell begging me for water. Mr.macho increased his grip, that brought me back from heaven.

My two lazy friends were still lying on the floor.


Musa opened his eyes slowly. I shined my eyes to see my friends for the last time.

Snake…Snake..snake… Musa shouted. That did the trick, philip miraculously woke up from the dead and ran for his life. Mr.macho who had already lifted me up to the ceiling left me and took to his heels. Musa was laughing his butt0ckz out, i wanted to join him in laughing then i remembered i was still on the air. My laugh was cut short when i landed hard on the ground. My butt0ckz felt numb, bad thing i didn’t have philip’s kinda butt0ckz. Philip’s butt0ckz could break a coconut that was how strong his butt0ckz was. When ask the secret of his strong butt0ckz, he said it was vitamin Q gotten from the egg of an eagle. Since i couldn’t get an eagle’s egg, my butt0ckz was as soft as vitafoam. Musa was still laughing when i noticed the bread and milk was still remaining. I quickly took the bread and helped myself to my nutritious meal.

Bomboklat, wetin you the do?
Immediately i heard bomboklat, my liver failed me, i thought it was mr.macho. I wouldn’t want to go back to heaven. It wasn’t mr.macho, it was philip.

Guy so you the chop the bread leave us? Musa added.

It was then i realised that it was still my friends.

No, na that mechanic boy saliva been the enter the thing naim i wan test am whether e still good.

So na your mouth be tester? Musa asked.
Guy bone am, make we just eat am like that musa advised.

They went back to the food, i wanted to join them but musa slapped my hand off. Kai, see wetin greed the cause.

I watched as they devoured the meal while i was salivating.

Kpo kpo kpo, someone knocked at the door.
Kelvin go see who dey there. Philip commanded.

God punish you, na me good to beat ba? I asked thinking it was still mr.macho.

Wont you guys open the door? A feminine voice asked. I opened the door and it was vivian standing outside.

She walked pass me straight to philip, “lets go for shopping, you need new cloths for the pageantry” she said.

Is this how boxed up vivian is? I started having a rethink about vivian.

There is a saying that you never know what you have until you lose them. I had Vivian on a platter of gold, i was forming big boy, because i held cynthia close to my heart. Now it seems like Cynthia doesn’t even care anymore. Since i came back from the hospital, she hasn’t even called me. My princess was now an enirely new person.

Philip had left the room to take his bath, vivian was busy chatting with musa like she didn’t even notice i was in the room.

I went outside and brought out my phone to make a call. I went out because i didn’t want vivian to see my phone, i already told you guys the condition of my phone right? Good, cos i cant afford to remove my phone in public not to talk of removing it in front of the girl i had plans for.

Even though my phone had helped me alot, i still lacked respect for the apparatus. You might be wondering why i called it apparatus, well thats the name philip always calls it. Several times i had been blocked by cult boys but all those times, nobody wanted to collect my phone. My phone was a special gift from my elder sister, she inherited it from my mum who had collected the phone from my dad. Am pretty sure it was even my grandpa that gave the phone to my dad.

The phone had ancestral blessing, maybe thats why even mermaid rejected it.

“Sweetheart watsup” i said, immediately Cynthia picked the phone.

Am fine, how are you? She asked in her trademark caring tone.

“Am not fine” i replied her changing my tone.

Whats the problem kelvin, or Have you been beaten again? She asked jokingly and giggled.

“Cynthia am serious”. I was trying to let her see the seriousness of what i wanted to tell her but she was busy laughing as if she had inhaled laughing gas.

I didn’t have enough airtime in my phone so i ended the call. I waited for some minutes but she didn’t call back. Something was definitely wrong somewhere. Was it Amaka? All of a sudden Amaka had stopped disturbing me.

Has she already told Cynthia? Or was she waiting for me to recuperate before sending me back to armageddon?

Why should i be even bothered about Cynthia when she obviously doesn’t give a hoot about me?

I tried her number again and she picked immediately.

“Am sorry, i didn’t have airtime to call you back” she explained.

Is it also lack of Airtime that made you not to visit me since i came back from the hospital? I asked
“Kelvin, am sorry, its just that i have been busy with my studies lately, you know how this lecturers are starting to behave na, i cant afford to get any carryover” she concluded.

“Waoh! I never knew calling me and hanging out with me was now a sure way of getting carry over o.” i sarcastically and tactically aproached the situation.

That wasn’t what i meant, i will come and see you later today, she promised.

I dont know how she did it but that managed to calm me down.

I went back inside to find philip already dressed, he was ready for his shopping. Who doesn’t like free things?

Guy, make i follow una? Musa foolishly asked.

Na me Bring you come school? Philip replied him with a question. Dont worry we go buy chin chin for you, he added.

‘And we are going to buy biscuit for kelvin’ vivian added. I just managed to smile at her dry joke.

Philip and Vivian walked hand in hand like two newly weds.

I was getting jealous.

******************************

House became boring when there left. I went to the playstation to keep myself busy. I established my legendary status by defeating almost everyone on line, i have a way of turn jealousy into positivities.

Musa called me that i should run back home.

I went home to find a mini boutique, vivian really did a good job. From native attire to casual wear to tux to shoes and many clothes i could only dream of.

“Kelvin dont worry, you are next” vivian said and walked out of the room.