Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

We went home that day to the harsh reality that we were inviting people to a party without having the necessary cash to trow a party..

“Guy how much you get?” i asked philip.

“Oboy na only 2k dey ma account o” he replied me. It was public notion that philip actually acts before he thinks but i never believed it until that day.

“No worry, vivian go bring money” he assured me.

“Ehen, come escort me go students affairs na” ..

I didn’t even need an abeg to follow him, i hurriedly followed him. Why wont i? If i succeed in redeeming his price, it would go down in history that i was the first man from my village to see a flat screen tv. My father would be very proud of me. Afterall, the television in our palour was a black and white ‘president’ television. Well, it wasn’t totally black and white, it can occasionally bring out stripes of different colours when given a military slap. Trust my dad to turn the TV into a drum.

There was a day Goodluck Jonathan was talking about pensioners and their pension, all of a sudden the TV went to its default configuration. I dont know how the TV managed to do it but my dear president had two heads. Na then i know say white man wey say two heads are better than one been smoke igbo. The audio also became distorted. Out of anger, my dad ran and gave the TV his trademark military slap. The cover of the television removed and the engine oil started overflowing. Did i forget to mention that my TV uses engine oil? How could i forget that when it was my job to refill the oil when exhausted. Anytime the oil runs dry, the language of the TV would automatically switch to chinese. Come hear as Goodluck been the scatter chinese that day na. Since that day, i cursed the white man that made that kind of television.

Today, however was going to be my turning point. I was going to be a history maker.

“oboy dis one wey you dey hurry so, make you no come break leg o” philip cautioned me.

“I no dey hurry o, you know say coach say make we dey train na” i rose to my defence.

We went to the students affairs department to meet a man who was snoring.

“Oboy tap am” philip commanded.

I wanted to tap him when he started speaking in his sleep.

“fine girl come na”

Philip quickly brought out his phone and started recording the man’s conversation with the beautiful girl in his dream.

“come na, my silly wife is not around, we can just do it sharp sharp before she comes”

Dreams where a manifestation of our wishes. Sometimes we lie on our beds and start picturing our dream land, when sleep finally captures us, we usually continue our wishes but this time it would be in form of a dream. No wonder people always complain of having nightmares after watching a horror movie.

I was shocked that an elderly man would be saying such things in his dream. It actually went a long way to show that the man was an unfaithful husband.

“kai, dis girl you are too sweet, thats why i love you more than my wife” the man continued talking.

What would have happened if this man would be saying such things in the night when lying on the same bed with his wife?

Philip finished his recording and put the phone in his pocket.

He quickly tapped the man.

“sweet heart its not what you think, i can explain” the man shouted while jumping from his chair.

Philip and i struggled to hide our laughter but mine overpowered me. I had to excuse myself and run outside to release the pressure accumulated by holding my laughter.
I made sure i released all my laughter before returning to the office.

[B] “Young men, what can i do for you” the man asked trying to be as formal as possible.

“Sir, i am the new mr.fresher and i was asked to collect my prize from you” philip replied him.

“where is your ID card?” the man asked.

“i dont have sir, i am a new student” philip replied him.

“in that case you will have to fill this form, and attach your passport with the sum of #1000” he informed us.

“Dont worry sir, we shall come back tomorrow” philip spoke and we left.
On our way home i asked philip what he wanted to do with the recording. He just smiled and said “kelvin, we don get the money for the party be dat”.