Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Life Of Uam Boy

Even though the news was supposed to be a bad one, it turned out to be a good news to me.

I had never wanted vivian in our family. Yes! We were a big and happy family before vivian showed up. She came through me, like the devil came through eve. She came as someone who needed my help but as events were unfolding, it turned out i was the one who needed her financial help.

I left her because of Cynthia and she quickly jumped to philip all in the name of ‘manager’. She knew our weakness was finance and she was exploiting that loophole. But why would she hold grudges against us?

Tufiakwa!!! I made a circle over my head to signify God forbid.

Kelvin, this one you are rounding your head with this your tufiakwa sign, i am hoping ploblem isn’t dey?” chris, our english language assasin asked me.

I was lost in my toughts that i didn’t even notice when i left philips room and started talking to myself in the road like a mad man.


“Youngest engineer, how far na?” i shook hands with him.

He loved the name youngest engineer, he was a 100 level student of the electrical and electronics department. He was already feeling like a seasoned electrical engineer. There was a day philip’s light had a fault and chris insisted he would be able to fix the problem. A 100level student who has only done 1st semester in the university with no previous knowledge on electricity wanted to fix light. We allowed him to carry out his work.

“kelvin is this led one that is negative shey?” he asked me.

“young Engineer, you dey ask me? I no know whether red na negative abi na positive o” i replied him.

“i even knows it o, i was just wanting to test you” he stated..

Young engineer valued his ego, he would never agree that he doesn’t know a particular thing. There was a day he even said i should come let him teach me english.

Since he said he was just testing me, i allowed him to do his work, afterall he knew more than me.

“go and on the contlo switch” he commanded.

I obeyed him and turned on the control switch but there was still no light.

He immediately started rejoining some wires, he forgot that the control switch was still on. The next thing i heard was kpraaaaaa. The light sparked and trew youngest engineer into our pot of rice that was on the ground.


“Engineer don die o” i started panicking.

He wasn’t moving, his pulse was very weak. He was saying something but it wasn’t audible. I brought my ears closer to his mouth to hear what he was saying.

“kelvin, my brood don dly, bling milik” i heard him speaking weakly. Kai, even when chris dey die him still dey gbagaun.

I quickly deciphered what he was trying to say. He was trying to say “kelvin my blood don dry, bring milk”.


But this boy wicked o, na milk him want make i buy for am. The last time i tasted milk was when i sU-Cked my mother’s b0s0m.

I quickly dashed out of the house. I came back moments later with zobo and puff puff. Shey na blood him want? Zobo go give am plenty blood then puff puff go make am regain him strenght. Immediately he saw my hand he grabbed it quickly and helped himself to the meal. Kai, hunger bad!!! Since then, youngest engineer has refused to even connect two batteries.

Together with chris the youngest engineer, i trekked to the class that day. Never knew a tiv man also had the trekking gene.

Class was filled when we reached so we settled for a seat at the back.

“Statistics is very important in our world today.

The importance of statistics has made this institution provide a seperate department for this field. Engineers need statistics, mathematicians need statistics, as a science student you need statistics even arts students need statistics. In your final year when you would be writing your project, you would appreciate the importance of statistics”. Mr. Afolabi the statistics lecturer was talking about the importance of statistics.
Well, who gives a hoot? There are a thousand and one computer applications that i can use for statistical operations so why should i be concerned about statistics in my project? That was my mentality. A student shouldn’t be stressing himself in this ‘jet-age’ or so i thought.

Out of bordom, i started counting the number of students in front of me. I was in 150 when my eyes met with vivians. She quickly removed her eyes. But i kept staring at her. She turned to look at me but she quickly faced front when she met my eyes.

Mr. Afolabi was still speaking to himself because i was sure 90percent of the class had my mentality.

After Stressing his points, he started advertising his textbook.

“This textbook is not compulsory, just like bible is not compulsory for christains. But if Jesus decides to forgive people, am sure he would forgive those that bought the bible. I’m a christain and so, i’m christ-like and i will behave like Jesus. Thank you all”. He ended his talk and walked out of the class amidst cheers froom students.

Immediately he left the class, i stood up arranged my shirt and walked towards vivian, we have so much to discuss.

I walked gallantly towards vivian. Somepeople where already getting up while others where sitting down, waiting for the next lecture. While walking, i started thinking. What would i tell vivian when i get there? Hello vivian, we know you are the one responsible for all our problems or should i just greet her with a slap? I remembered the slap she gave someone in class so i just cancelled that thought.

Why was i even in haste to aproach her? As a sceince student and as a rational human being, i believe every hunch should be tested before adjudged to be a fact. In other words, every human should be given the benefit of doubt and as my law colleages would put it, nobody is a criminal except proven by a law court. Moreso, we haven’t sat down as a family to discuss the steps to be taken, anything i do now would be written against my name and no other person would bear the consequences with me.

I thought of turning back but i was too late, vivian had already seen me.

“Hey, kelvin watsup?” she greeted.
“Am fine, how about you?” i asked.
“oh!! I’m doing great” she replied.

“Thats cool” i said, sitting next to her.
“we didn’t see you at philip’s victory party, hope there was no problem” i asked.
I was taking it slow, i didn’t want her to have the slightest idea that i was suspecting her. It is easier to catch a thief when he isn’t mindful of what to say to you.

“no, there was no problem, i just wanted to prepare for our test today, i actually went to the class to read” She informed me.

It just sounded like she was speaking greek because i wasn’t aware of any test.

“What test are you talking about?” i asked, suprised.

“Physics111 ofcourse” she replied.

Just then, a lanky man with ‘rubber ring’ waist came into the hall, he had a bag hanged on his shoulder. Behind him were five other junior lecturers.

“Dr Okoro is here” vivian informed me.

“Who is he? I asked.

“our physics111 lecturer of course” she replied me. I had never seen his face before today, that was because i wasn’t a regular face at lectures. We had people like that in my secondary school days, they never come to school except during games. We called them the ‘non academic students’. Right now i’m about to know how it actually feels to be a ‘non academic student’.

“Good day students, i hope you are all ready for my test?” Mr Okoro asked. He paused for some few seconds, waiting for a reply and when he got none, he continued his speech.
I’ll take your silence as ‘yes'” he stressed.

Like seriously, was he expecting us to shout ‘YES SIR!!!!’ Or ‘NO SIR!!!!’ like primary school students?
“Together with me are the invigilators for this test, you will all do well to shun malpractise as you all know the penalty. The question papers would be shared to you and all your are required to do is fill in the blank spaces. Its as simple as ABC” mr okoro read out his rules.
My heart was beating fast, i had to do something but i hadn’t read anything. I saw the jotter vivian was using to Prepare for the test, i quickly picked it and excused myself. I hid it inside my pocket and sat quietely like the good student i was. The question paper reached me and i quickly scanned it. What i saw sent shivers down my spine. The questions were five, each with three children. We were expected to answer all.
I brought out my ‘micro-chip’ but i didnt know where to start from plus vivian’s handwriting looked like signature.

“you there, stand-up” i heard an invigilator shout from behind.

I started sweating as i turned my head in slowmotion.


“me?” i asked touching my chest.
“no, its that guy with big head. Stand up” he commanded. I felt relieved. I promised never to use ‘micro-chips again’ even if it means doing philip’s style i dont care.

This is what i mean by philip’s style;
When asked to write about the life of Jesus, philip who had read only the life of paul wrote: “who am i to write on the life of my saviour? I’d rather write on the life of paul” he then systematically changed the topic.

I wrote my rubbish until the test was over. I got up and started leaving the class. I was about reaching the door when someone called my name. I turned and it was vivian.

“how was the test?” she asked.

“it was very nice” i replied her with a fake smile.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before she stopped and called my name.

“Yes! Is there any problem?” i asked.

She hesitated for a few seconds before she dropped a jamb question.

“do you still love cynthia?”